Stephanie Regalado’s long-running column “If They Only Knew” has been turned into a book of 60 anonymous stories celebrating women’s perseverance

Fourteen years ago, Stephanie Regalado stood before a packed city hall to accept an award for her nonprofit’s contributions to the community.

No one in the room had any idea that she had just miscarried her 14-week-old baby.

“If only they knew,” she thought.

Later that evening, she reflected that others present might also be suffering from silent grief or trauma.

She wrote anonymously about her experiences in the first issue of Spokane CDA Woman magazine, where she was an editor. Regalado called the column “If They Only Knew” and invited readers to share their stories anonymously.

“The anonymity gives women the opportunity to tell their stories – stories they might never have told anyone, not their husbands, not their friends,” she said.

The women responded and the column became a required reading in the magazine.

“I knew I wanted to make a book out of it,” she said.

Regalado began reviewing more than 100 stories three and a half years ago.

“The ones I didn’t include didn’t feel deep enough,” she said. “I wanted to make sure people knew the other side of their story and weren’t in the middle of it.”

The 60 selected stories in If They Only Knew are told in the first person. The book is divided into six parts, ranging from motherhood to community. Regalado wrote introductions to each section and edited the pieces in the editing process, taking care to maintain each author’s unique voice.

She found an agent and her book was offered to traditional publishers, but most were reluctant to print anonymous stories.

For the author, this was a deal-breaker.

“I felt like I had to protect these women,” she said.

She also wanted readers to absorb the stories without imagining a specific person.

“I really wanted to allow readers to experience another person’s story.”

Having no luck in traditional publishing, Regalado started her own company, SheSays Media. Through the company, she has published several magazines and released “If They Only Knew” last year.

In March, it was the featured book at the YWCA Women of Achievement Luncheon.

From the trauma of rape in the family to the brutality of domestic violence to the shame of being “the other woman,” each story in the book reveals a secret that leads the authors to wonder what others would think “if they only knew.”

A particularly haunting story about a young teenager caught on video being sexually assaulted at a party prompted Regalado to do more than edit the story. The author had discovered that the footage still existed and was circulating among men in her hometown.

“I offered the author my help in obtaining justice,” Regalado writes in an addendum. “Regardless of the law, child pornography is a federal crime, and this video served as evidence of a gruesome child rape. The author decided to tell her story to her husband, who immediately began working with authorities to put an end to the horror.”

Other stories are less graphic but still have an emotional impact. These include tales of estranged mothers and daughters, broken marriages, and women struggling to find their feet in the workplace or society.

“Relationship problems affect me deeply,” Regalado said.

“Shame keeps many women from ending relationships that don’t honor them. Women who get through it find strength on the other side.”

“If They Only Knew” is the first book in a series she plans to write. She calls for proposals on her website and in the book.

“Most of the stories leave me in a state of healing and emotional growth,” she said. “I hope the book leaves the reader feeling softer and more forgiving, and filled with compassion for themselves and others.”

Contact Cindy Hval at [email protected].