Polyamory is not for everyone – It’s a Generation Z love upgrade with new bugs and jealousy issues

Love is a party for polyamorous people, best experienced with two or more people who have never been through a breakup. One person doesn’t have to be at your disposal all the time. If you successfully master this new way of loving, there’s a chance that your friend’s girlfriend’s husband will attend your birthday parties. No one feels like a supporting character. But does it really work that smoothly? Well, we don’t live in a utopia. Or Woodstock. Or a Rajneesh Osho ashram of the 1970s and 80s.

I am a big believer in the motto “don’t take it down until you kiss it”, so I tried dating a polyamorous man. He was a boy from Chandigarh who was arranging dates for his weekend trip to Delhi. Yellow flowers were delivered to my door in front of him, but I was too obsessed with him buying a space heater for the other girl. Can I be blamed for such a huge difference in cost? Our time together was spent analyzing our dynamics and how they were slightly different from the other future partner. Of course, he took us both to the Piano Man Jazz Club on separate days (an expensive choice, if you repeat). Clearly, he wasn’t obsessed enough with me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

Also read: Liars, cheaters, scammers – Jamtara has entered online dating

A travel

Just removing the spice of exclusivity from romantic relationships doesn’t mean the end of all conflict – polyamory is a modern love upgrade with new flaws and jealousy issues. It’s a journey that requires tons of internal work and great planning skills to ensure all of your partners get adequate face-to-face time. You have to know everyone’s attachment styles and texting patterns and remember everyone’s allergies. Not to mention the full-time job of dispelling the rumors – “No, I’m not a hedonist, I just love five people equally.”

Is it just a generation afraid of commitment or is it cheating by another name? Case in point: Armaan Malik on Bigg Boss. He’s not exactly a poster boy for polys, is he?

Some straight men on Hinge—who definitely don’t deserve that freedom—use the “non-monogamous” label to build “ethical” harems and spread STDs like confetti. And some women I know drag themselves on random dates to ease the pain of their partners seeing other partners—they’re not polyamorous, they’re addicted to punishment.

Yes, the properties of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Love ActuallyAnd dusk would be very different if all the characters embraced the polyamorous lifestyle. But there’s no guarantee they’d be any less messy. Even The Sims, the best-selling video game series, added a jealousy feature in its polyamory update to keep it realistic. There’s a reason why people looking for a primary or nesting partner to root themselves in the love dodecahedrons remain unmatched. Apparently, that’s a holdover from monogamy and too intense for commitment-shy polys.

Kudos to the brave hearts who try to normalize this happiness in love. I’m happy when one person after another disappoints me.

Views are personal.

This article is part of a series of columns on modern dating in India – the good, the bad and the cuddly sides.

(Edited by Aamaan Alam Khan)

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