Sense and Sensibility | A “perfect love story” – Times-Standard

DEAR HARRIETTE: As for Time to Make a Move, the reader whose boyfriend has yet to propose after five years, I like your advice. It reminded me that 73 years ago my friend came to New York City from St. Louis to spend a week with me and my family. When it was time to return, she said, “Where are we going?

I was in the military and didn’t know where they would send me, maybe even farther away from her. We were tired of writing to each other and phone calls were too expensive back then. So we were left with two choices: forget each other or get married. I never asked her to marry me and she never asked me either. We just agreed that marriage was the way to go. She was the love of my life. We stuck it out for 71 years with kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. She died last year. She was in a nursing home with dementia but I visited her every day for almost three years. Towards the end she said she wanted to marry me. That was the best parting gift you can give your partner. — Memories

DEAR MEMORIES: What a perfect love story! Thank you for sharing how you and your partner have had a beautiful life together. The fact that you find joy even in your later years despite dementia is a sign to others who may be battling this disease that joy can be found in the worst of places. God bless you!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a newly divorced mother with three grown children. My husband was physically and emotionally abusive throughout our marriage. He abandoned me and my young children when they were toddlers, but we eventually reconciled. When the kids were in college, he sent me divorce papers, but he eventually backed out after I asked him to reconsider. Several years later, after two of our children married, he filed for divorce again, moved out, and bought a new house without me. The divorce was acrimonious, and to this day, despite the judgment against him, he has not paid any child support and still owes assets from the original agreement. Because of this, I have not been able to settle down properly. He now seems to be living happily ever after and has even remarried.

My two sons want nothing to do with him but my daughter continues to communicate with him. She has even hosted him in her home. I can’t believe she still wants anything to do with him after all the horrible things he has done. She has mentioned that he will be coming to visit and bringing his new wife. I have tried to explain to her how hurtful it is that she is letting this new woman into her life but she doesn’t seem to get it. How can I get her to change her mind or at least get her to tell her father that his new wife is not welcome? – Devastated Mom

DEAR TROUBLED MOTHER: Your relationship with your ex is separate from his relationship with his children. Stop trying to control how you treat him. You should go to therapy to heal. Your children will have their own way with their father. Don’t try to guilt them into taking your side. Do your best to live your life and become stronger for yourself and your family.

Harriette Cole is a lifestyle designer and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative that helps people achieve their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.