New book about arranged marriages by Athenian author from Ghana
Author and entrepreneur Comfort Rexford believes her first book can be an inspiration to women, regardless of their marital status.
Rexford recently published Arranged Marriage: An African Girl’s Dilemma, in which she describes her own arranged marriage in Ghana over 30 years ago. Rexford uses the book as a launching pad for her business, ConnieLove, which offers personal development coaching, speaking engagements and mentoring for other women.
“My marriage was arranged and I want to help young women, whether they are in an arranged marriage or not, to understand that a relationship is work. It’s hard,” said the Athens native, who has two children and a granddaughter. “After going through all that, the main reason I wrote a book is because people always said that people in an arranged marriage stay together longer.”
“Women don’t always stay longer because they’re happy. Sometimes they stay because of their children or their family won’t let them go. I’ve told my whole family that I’d rather die than stay in this marriage. And sometimes people stay because they’re afraid they won’t be able to take care of themselves.”
The first six chapters of Arranged Marriage detail Rexford’s memories as a young woman.
“My father divorced my mother when I was three because he thought I wouldn’t survive,” she said. “The reason I teach love is because my mother loved me so much, and I think that’s why I survived. And at 18, my mother died, and at 22, my family put me in an arranged marriage.”
Rexford said her husband was considerably older than her when they married and even with two children, she was less than happy with the relationship. When the family moved to Mississippi in 1992, Rexford began making plans and the couple separated in 2007.
“It was OK at first, but then we grew apart,” Rexford said. “He was 13 years older than me and we had nothing in common. We had two children and 19 years ago I left him. … I had wanted to leave seven years earlier. I was so ready then.”
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“I walked away with $60 in my hand and I didn’t care. I was a little scared of the unknown, but I had been taking care of myself since I was 10 years old in Ghana, so I knew deep down that I could take care of myself. I had faith, so I just walked away.”
The rest of Arranged Marriage details Rexford’s views on life and her advice for other women.
“I want to teach women to love themselves and put themselves first,” she said. “Most of the time we’re last and exhausted. You have to take care of yourself and then you can take care of the rest of the family.”
“Happiness comes from within and that’s what I want to convey to women. I’m 57 years old and I feel like I can teach women things that I wish someone had told me 20, 30, 40 or even 50 years ago. That’s the message I want to share with the world – you are stronger than you think, but you have to learn to harness that strength.”
Rexford said her book is not exclusively for women in arranged marriages.
“This is true for all women because we are more similar than we think,” she said. “People don’t get into arranged marriages, but they get into toxic relationships, which is basically the same thing.”
“Arranged Marriage” is available through Amazon and Barnes & Noble and can also be purchased through Rexford’s website www.conniecomfort.com.
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