Reading Kristi Noem’s book reveals even more incriminating details

Like many South Dakotans, I was intrigued by Governor Kristi Noem’s chances of being nominated as Donald Trump’s vice presidential candidate, and I followed the release of her book, “No Going Back.” When her promotional appearances turned into one hell of a book tour, I could hardly look away.

During an interview with Stuart Varney on Fox Business, Noem spent most of her time defending her decision to include the story of the shooting of her dog Cricket in the book. At one point in the interview, Noem asked Varney if he had read the book. Like so many politicians he has interviewed over the years, Varney ignored the question and moved on to other topics.

Just as the tour seemed over, Noem appeared in an interview with Chris Cuomo on NewsNation. Cuomo questioned how readers could believe anything Noem said in her book when she included the lie about meeting North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. Noem defended her trustworthiness and again asked the interviewer if he had read the book.

It was obvious that Varney and Cuomo hadn’t done their homework. It was time someone read the book. So I did.

The retail price is $30, but I got my book for $21.89 on Amazon. At first glance, the book looks slim. It’s 222 pages and two appendices, including a budget speech and a State of the State speech that Noem gave. To be completely honest, I admit that I didn’t read the speeches. I’ve heard enough of those speeches as a journalist; life is too short to read them too.

So it’s not a thick book, and the margins seem wide, like a stubborn college student trying to get her paper to the required length. The margins get wider when she offers life lessons at the end of each chapter or quotes someone at length.

As you might imagine, she spends a fair amount of time denigrating liberals and the media, but she manages to do so in a homey, informal style that sometimes relies a bit too much on niceties to the reader.

She also has a penchant for wise sayings to stitch onto a wall hanging. Here is a selection of her sayings in case you are ready to stitch your next embroidery pattern:

Be prepared. Be a leader. Do something good. Respect must be earned. Be loyal in the things that matter.

The problem with “No Going Back” is that it doesn’t really know what it wants to be. Part of it was obviously designed to pad Noem’s resume as she fought to become Trump’s running mate. To that end, she’s always quick to point out her interactions with foreign leaders, even inventing at least one. Part of the book serves as an infomercial for the awesomeness of South Dakota. There are leadership lessons throughout, too. When it comes to leadership and policy, Noem says she gets it right while others don’t.

The most compelling part of the book is the chapter she should have left out. She does a good job of expressing her deep hatred for Cricket and the smelly goat. The reader wishes the rest of the book was as well written.

Noem’s dog murder was bad, but to really understand her, you have to think about the goat

Because of Kim Jong Un’s faux pas and the corrections demanded by Mike Rounds and Nikki Haley, I looked for errors. Noem talks at length about the importance of parents getting involved in their local school boards, but botches it when she says to look for board meetings. She warns that the school board can only meet in board meetings for contract negotiations or personnel matters. She neglects to mention that school boards must meet in board meetings when student discipline is at stake.

President Trump’s visit to Mount Rushmore in 2020 is a highlight of the book. At one point, Noem says the national monument is under the management of the U.S. Forest Service. In reality, it is operated by the National Park Service.

She has a lot to say about Trump’s visit to Mount Rushmore, once calling it a “peaceful celebration.” In fact, 20 protesters and one counter-protester were arrested. The charges were later dropped, but they blocked a checkpoint and had a physical altercation with sheriff’s deputies and members of the National Guard.

Even more disturbing than her attempt to rewrite the history of the event is her casual mention that Hells Angels were deployed to keep the peace on the back roads leading to the memorial. “Let’s put it this way: When someone wearing a Hells Angels vest makes it clear that they have no time for roadblocks, disruption or noise, potential troublemakers will think twice.”

So here is our governor calling on the most notorious motorcycle gang in history to keep the peace. That seems like a more blatant and newsworthy statement than falsely claiming to have met Kim Jong Un, or shooting a dog, or double-hitting a smelly goat. Maybe it’s a good thing for Noem that Varney and Cuomo haven’t read the book.

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