Surviving loss, living with grief, rediscovering joy

Taylor and Megan are strong, talented women who seem to have it all. Their friendship and support for one another is enviable. And their smiles light up the room. But a series of tragic events rocked their young worlds. At 24, these best friends are both recovering from the sudden and unexpected deaths of loved ones. Today, they want to help others trying to find their way through deep grief and offer advice to friends of those grieving as they reimagine their way forward and hold on to the precious part of themselves that brings them joy.

TAYLOR’S STORY

When Taylor looks back on her past, she sees that chaos has always played a role. “Growing up, there was a lot going on in my household, there were addictions and behaviors that made it very difficult to cope with day-to-day life,” she said.

Taylor felt responsible for creating a stable life for herself and her younger sister, and began earning money at a young age. At 18, she left home and managed a salon with over 30 employees. Her plan was to have her sister move in with her after she graduated high school.

“Unfortunately, it all ended in a very tragic way in May 2021. My mother died suddenly. That was the worst day of my life. She had cancer when I was younger, but I think ultimately her alcohol addiction caught up with her and unfortunately contributed to her death, just before my 21st birthday. After that, it was even more chaotic. My dad had a really rough time and died a year and a half later,” Taylor said.

Megan remembers how difficult it was for her to watch her close friend lose her mother and father. “It was a huge shock for everyone and I had never experienced grief in my life at the time, so it was difficult for me to know how to be there for someone, especially someone who had suffered two major losses in their life, such as their parents. It was very difficult knowing that there was nothing I could do to help her ease the pain.”

MEGAN’S STORY

Meanwhile, Megan’s life was falling apart. The boy she had known since kindergarten and wanted to marry was now struggling with the severe after-effects of his head injuries.

“He was a hockey goalie and suffered a lot of concussions and brain injuries,” she said. “He was one of the best people I’ve ever known in my life and it was really hard to watch him go through this. He didn’t deserve the pain he had to endure every day – constant headaches, migraines and ringing in his ears. Being in pain all the time was not a good quality of life.”

Hypnotherapist and former Phoenix-area high school nurse Rosemary Powell has witnessed the debilitating effects of head injuries on young people. “I’ve had students with brain injuries. They couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t do simple tasks. And if they didn’t have headaches for a while, they would come back when they did something on a screen or with a particular subject like math. And that destroyed their future.”

Megan’s boyfriend died last July, just as she was preparing for the new school year and a fourth-grade class. She called Taylor.

TURN UP

“When she called me, I said, ‘I’ll be there in 10 minutes,'” Taylor said. “I just came right over because I know what it’s like and you just want people to be there for you. I knew at that moment that I was going to keep doing that for Megan, forever. I think it brought us closer together because there aren’t many people in our circle or people that we know that have ever been through something like that. So it’s super important that we can rely on each other and talk to each other. I just love her.”

“Taylor is my girl. I love her so much,” Megan said. “I really don’t know if I would be here without her. Grief is something that you can’t even begin to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it. So having someone by my side who knew exactly what I was feeling and what I was going through was so helpful to me in my grief experience. She was always there when I asked her to be. She took care of me every day and never let me down throughout the entire grief journey I’ve been through over the last year.”

Megan and Taylor say being there for each other is vital. “It’s a weird thing. It’s almost like people look at you like you’re an exhibit in a museum and think, ‘Should I touch her?’ They don’t really know what to say,” Taylor said. “You don’t have to say the right thing or say anything at all. Just keep showing up.”

“And that’s it. Words don’t help,” Megan added. “Nothing you say will take away the pain – no meals brought, no gift baskets. Nothing will take away the pain except showing up and just hanging out and having a normal day with your boyfriend.”

““Megan and Taylor are so wise,” Powell said. “Be there, even if you can’t find the right words. Just be there and be with those who are grieving. Do something weird or funny, send them a nice note or message, just be there and don’t wait for them to get back to you.”

SEARCH FOR SUPPORT

“When Megan’s boyfriend died, it was important for me to be there for her,” Taylor said. “I knew that whatever I wanted from her, I had to do myself, otherwise I would be a hypocrite.”

They both took time off work to heal. They both sought counseling and, at Megan’s urging, attended a grief support group. They also continue to work through what therapists call “secondary loss”: grieving not just for today but for the future — the parents who won’t be there for important milestones or the man who was supposed to help them build a life.

“Grief always requires compassion and kindness. There may be a day when you just step back and be with yourself and honor the time to grieve this loss,” Powell said. “Professional help from someone you really connect with makes a huge difference, too. It’s important to let go of any guilt or self-responsibility for what happened. It happened. It just happened.”

““I’ve learned to pivot and turn the negative into the positive,” Taylor said. “Instead of dreading Mother’s Day because my mother died, I now think about how lucky I am to have had what I had.”

Rediscover joy

Taylor is a self-taught guitarist, pianist and singer/songwriter, a talent she shared with her mother. She began singing and playing music as a girl. When her mother died, music stopped. With the encouragement of Megan and Megan’s mother, Taylor started playing and singing again. Today, she performs four nights a week at an upscale venue.

“It’s still a struggle to find things that ground me, but singing has definitely helped me a lot. It’s something I’ve always loved doing. And in particular, the place where I sang is very dear to my family. My parents met when my mom sang there and my dad worked there. Every time I sing, I feel very close to them. It took a minute, but now I don’t feel any pain when I sing. I get real joy from singing and bringing joy to other people with my music.”

Megan now has a whole class of fourth-graders who “give her the courage to live.” Despite her pain, she showed up for the first day of school last August. “I really wanted to prove to my students and their parents that I was there for their children and that I would be there for them and come back to give them 100%.”

She kept her word and returned to the classroom in January. “You start a teaching career wanting to make a difference in one child’s life, but nobody prepares you for 25 little children changing your life. I just have 25 little blessings that remind me of all the goodness and innocence in life. These children mean everything to me and they have helped me through my grief. They have kept me busy and focused my mind on something positive.

TEACH OTHERS

Megan and Taylor now feel a strong need to educate people about loss, grief and death. They want to not only help those who are grieving, but also tell others how to support their friends coping with loss. They have thought about writing a book.

Additionally, Taylor encourages others to get life insurance. “After the shock of the initial loss, you have to figure everything out. Neither of my parents had life insurance or a will or trust or instructions about what I should do in this situation.”

Today she works for an insurance company. “I have life insurance. My sister has life insurance and I tell my friends to use the $20 they were going to spend on fast food to pay their monthly life insurance payment.”

Megan wants to make people aware of the dangers of sports-related head injuries. “It’s such an invisible disease. I’ve done a lot of research into brain injuries and I’m passionate about it now, especially because I work with children.”

Powell praised the women for speaking out. “You are bringing light, not just to each other, but to far more people than you realize.” FBN

By Bonnie Stevens, FBN

Watch the full interview on Zonie Living at Star Worldwide Networks, https://starworldwidenetworks.com/episodes/loss-grief-and-finding-joy-video.

Photo courtesy: Megan and Taylor have supported each other throughout their long friendship, which has also included traumatic losses. They are committed to helping those grieving and teaching others how to support their friends during life’s most difficult moments.