Ella, Kate Middleton’s brother’s dead dog, gets a book deal

One can only imagine the reaction of the publishing executives when the manuscript of James Middleton’s new book – about his dead dog Ella – landed in their mailboxes.

Did the Princess of Wales’ brother even have to pitch? Meet Ella; the dog who saved my lifeone wonders? Or did he, having looked into the depths of his soul, simply announce: “What the world really needs now is the biography of Kate’s brother’s dog,” and wait for the contract?

Maybe that’s unfair. Maybe publishing executives at the independent British publishing house Pegasus were really so taken (as they claim in a press release sent out this week) by James’ “wonderfully heartwarming portrayal” of the “human-animal bond” with his shiny black cocker spaniel that they offered him a deal on the spot.

Of course, we should not forget that James has spoken eloquently about how his dog helped him recover from a mental health crisis. When he began therapy, he overcame his reluctance to attend sessions by, for example, taking his dog to every session.

There is a mountain of clinical evidence to support James’ thesis. There is no question that the company of dogs benefits the mental health of most people. For example, an authoritative article published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research titled “Pet ownership and human health: a brief review of evidence and issues” found strong evidence that dogs can have a positive impact on mental health, particularly in reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Perhaps James’ insights into the life and death of his four-legged companion (who died in January 2023) are a valuable contribution to the genre and simply too compelling to ignore.

Or maybe the people in charge made a tough commercial decision and thought: “Well, the last book by a Middleton sibling, Pippa Middleton’s Celebratewhich gave people guidelines on how to make ice cream and suggested that turkey was a good choice for ‘larger gatherings’ was a disaster, a shocking display of nepotism, stupidity and corruption. So what are the odds that lightning strikes twice?”

Whatever the case, the book is written and can be yours for just $29 starting in September. So get ready for a stirring account of Ella chewing up royal furniture, Ella burying her muddy paws on several future monarchs, and James and Ella “having many adventures, from Scottish mountainsides to royal weddings” — although there’s no evidence that Ella ever attended a royal wedding. It’s not surprising that the marketing people have included this here, because without Kate, everyone knows, this book would be just another unloved mutt in the literary pound.

James is probably hoping that his new book will be a box office hit, a possibility that, it must be said, would go against the trajectory of his disappointing entrepreneurial career to date.

There was, as even keen Middleton watchers will hardly remember, Boomf! – a personalised marshmallow delivery service, because who hasn’t woken up at 3am and fancied a marshmallow with their face on it? The ailing company was put into receivership by James before being sold. It was later rescued and remains in business.

There was the Cake Kit Company. This company sent—also to your doorstep!—”pre-measured” ingredients and instructions for baking cakes. It didn’t work, but honestly, who would have thought that people who love to bake could actually be able to measure their own flour?

His latest venture is called James & Ella, a premium dog food company that offers gourmet pet meals. It’s inspired by you-know-who, so perhaps the new book will include a chapter on Ella’s disdain for supermarket dry food.

That whirring noise you hear? It’s Queen Elizabeth II, who was so dismayed by Pippa’s book that she banned her from giving any interviews and spun around in her tomb.

Siblings in close proximity have always been a problem for the monarchy. Publishing the deep thoughts of people whose greatest achievement is sharing DNA with a duchess is rarely well received and exposes the family to accusations of tasteless profiteering.

Not long ago, royals were forbidden from capitalizing on their status—except perhaps for a modest tea towel deal at Christmas.

But since Charles took power, discipline in the family has clearly broken down. From Harry’s memoirs Spare partFrom podcasts and appearances on reality shows to romance novels and even selling milk to Chinese people, the band of royal followers has returned to their old tricks.

There is a simple word for it: nepotism. King Charles should do everything he can to stamp it out as effectively as his mother did.

There’s nothing wrong with James Middleton loving his dog and wanting to tell people how good dogs can be for mental health. He’s a proud and successful ambassador for the charity Pets As Therapy and a volunteer for the Guide Dogs for the Blind Association and the Dogs Trust. But one can’t help but think that whenever the words “I’m thinking about writing a book” are uttered in the royal or Middleton household, the response should always be a resounding “Don’t do that.”