4 things romantic comedies and romance films about love get wrong (but psychological thrillers get right)

I’ve written a lot over the past few months about how toxic romantic comedies and romance movies in general can shape our worldview of romance and desensitize us to toxic relationships, lowering our standards for what we consider healthy love. While we can certainly enjoy and appreciate these movies, we can also think critically about the messages these movies have conditioned us to believe. Interestingly, psychological thrillers teach more realistic lessons about love and romance than romantic comedies and romance movies. Here are the key lessons romance movies and romantic comedies never taught us about love, but psychological thrillers do.

Romantic comedies and romance films in general have taught us that the person who makes the grandest romantic gestures and is possessive is the one who loves us the most. Psychological thrillers show that these can often be harbingers of unhealthy obsession, control and stalking.

In one of the most famous love films of all time The notebookfor example, we are led to believe that Noah’s threat to kill himself to get Allie to go out with him is a grand romantic gesture that shows how much he cares about her, when in reality it would be a massive red flag for coercive control and manipulation. In duskEdward’s obsession with Bella, which goes so far as to watch her sleep, is seen as romantic rather than an unhealthy fixation. Pretty Woman emphasizes the glamour of a business relationship with a wealthy man, but there are many moments in the film where Edward’s true respect for Vivian is not enough (such as when he makes a cruel reference to her being treated as mean by others because of her profession during an argument). And don’t even get me started on the After we fell Series with a very aggressive and possessive male protagonist. Many of these storylines may be undoubtedly entertaining and moving on screen, but they don’t convey the healthiest message about romance. Psychothrillers like fearstarring Reese Witherspoon and Mark Wahlberg, teaches us more about the realistic warning signs of such intense and passionate beginnings, revealing the true motives behind exaggerated and passionate gestures that eventually only escalate into stalking, obsession, and aggression. Reese Witherspoon’s character Nicole is smitten with a charming older man, David, and is manipulated into an abusive relationship where she doesn’t know his true character, only to experience retribution when she tries to leave him. While the film’s ending is definitely much more dramatic than one might experience in real life, it embodies the chaos and turmoil we can experience when caught in the clutches of a toxic love with the wrong person.

In romantic comedies and romance films, a charismatic lover who flatters you with constant attention and affection before they even get to know you is “the one.” In psychological thrillers, they often turn out to be manipulators who lead double lives and pursue secret agendas. Guess what’s closer to life?

Romantic comedies and romance movies often teach us that the person who turns us on strongly and persistently is the partner who is meant for us. In rare cases, that may be true, but in most cases, realistically, there is a reason why a person is trying to rush the intimacy of the relationship without fully getting to know us. Why does Noah continue to ask Allie out every day even though he knows very little about her? On screen, this is called romantic. In real life, this is the behavior of someone who is in love or has an excessive sense of entitlement to your time and energy. Psychological thrillers like fear, Burglary And Sleeping with the enemyon the other hand, do a great job of exploring how relationships that begin with charm or persistence can later reveal a darker need for control, secrets, and hidden agendas. David’s interest in his high school girlfriend in fear turns out to be predatory and obsessive, Julia Roberts’ character Laura in Sleeping with the enemy realises that her once loving partner is actually a possessive, controlling abuser and hatches an escape plan. Meera finds out that her charming and manipulative husband Henry has very dark secrets in Burglary. Psychological thrillers teach us to look beyond the mask and facade and remind ourselves that there may be something darker and more evil lurking beneath.

The more intense the relationship, the greater the love, and passionate, messy relationships are considered the “best” form of romance in movies. In psychological thrillers, passionate, intense romances often lead to crimes of passion.

Violent arguments, smashing plates, shoving each other – it’s all so romantic, isn’t it? In romantic films, the more heated the argument, the greater the romance, and such plot lines often encourage the fine line between love and hate. The notebook contains several arguments between Allie and Noah that go too far, while A star Is Born minimizes verbal and emotional abuse. Mr and Mrs Smith is an amazing romantic action thriller, but it tends to glorify violence and intensity. Forever and ever The series is full of arguments and toxic fights like this one under the guise of love. Romantic comedies like Everyone except you And Bridget Jones – Chocolate for Breakfast romanticize the idea that people insult each other when they first meet and generally hate each other (in Everyone except you The male lead describes the woman he just had sex with in hostile terms, only because she left the next morning, and in Bridget Jones – Chocolate for Breakfastone of her lovers gives a condescending speech about her being an old maid). Psychological thrillers, however, put an end to this cliché by showing how passion and intensity and even spontaneous chemistry can be warning signs. Amy Dunne and her husband Nick in Ex girlfriend is another example of a passionate relationship gone wrong, as Nick’s passion soon turns to the young student he is cheating on Amy with. Amy’s “passion” for Nick and her dark personality traits create an explosive combination that leads her to frame her own murder just to get revenge on him.

In romantic comedies, overcoming betrayal is a measure of true love, while in psychological thrillers, betrayal can often lead to the destruction of lives.

Romantic comedies like Love Actually teaches us that it’s OK to chase our best friend’s wife as long as we hold up a sign telling him how much we love him, or to chase a young colleague when we have a wife and kids at home, and that no matter what we do, true love can conquer all as long as our spouse and best friend forgives us (or doesn’t find out). Psychological thrillers like The weekend away where the main character is betrayed by several people close to him or Fatal starring Hilary Swank, in which a lover tries to ruin the life of the man she is obsessed with, tend to be more realistic, showing that betrayal can lead to revenge and consequences and into dangerous waters that, while not leading to everlasting love, can change lives forever.