There has been a spring-like, romantic mood in recent weeks, and I noticed that more and more couples were walking outside hand in hand, laughing together, leaning on each other and openly radiating confidence.
This is not unusual when the weather matches the mood of the people. What is clear, however, about many of these beaming couples is the fact that many of them are senior citizens.
This should not surprise us: Statistics Canada’s higher estimates of the senior population found that there will be nearly 3.2 million seniors on July 1, 2023:
• 75-79 years: 1,459,513
• 80-84 years: 918,411
• 85-89 years: 540,554
• 90-94 years: 266,869
Of course, not everyone in the estimated age groups is eager to remarry after a loss. In fact, one person said, “I had the best possible partner in my only marriage. I don’t need anyone else.”
Yet it is difficult not to see the obvious joy of some older couples at having found a true connection again over the years, often after a period of heartbreaking loss.
Let us consider two different and heartbreaking stories: One is about a woman who lost two different husbands during the course of her marriage because each of the men became seriously ill.
The other describes a man’s deceased wife who went through several phases of repeated, debilitating bouts of serious illness from which she ultimately did not survive.
These sad losses of partners who once played an important role in their lives reflect the countless people who live with the shadow of loneliness until they, a friend or a grief counselor help them to focus not just on the loss, but beyond it.
Then hope and the necessary courage can change the lonely life of a single senior.
I have written before about sudden and debilitating grief and interviewed people who have suffered greatly during their experience of emotional pain.
Grief represents a very difficult transition for many widowers and widows. Also for those who wonder if and how they can get used to the world of togetherness, romance and relationships again.
Sometimes people in such situations also have to deal with a judgmental attitude that says it is “too early” towards new and untested relationships.
They may experience open disapproval from new partners whom others—such as the reaction of adult children and grandchildren, even nosy neighbors—consider an inappropriate choice.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t really work well when a new partner feels that disapproval could decide the situation, especially when the conversation is held in the context of negative opinions.
But as one experienced psychotherapist told me when asked whether older women and men could make love again, “I see it everywhere… couples in their late 70s and late 80s.”
“Many still live in their own homes, and some maintain their homes and independence, sometimes by spending time exclusively with their friends and/or family. This is a good message for their children.”
There are also people who not only “find” new relationships, but also deliberately rekindle an old flame. I’m told that this works better in some cases than others, especially when a person unexpectedly contacts a former love.
But there are no set patterns for the countless different reasons why people, regardless of their age, are attracted to each other.
It may date back a long time to a previous school or college love story, after which one of the two moved to another city and entered into his or her first marriage.
These relationships from long ago are much more modern today because older couples are aware that they have to make lifestyle decisions.
While some seniors live semi-independently, many others travel together when they can afford it, especially during the colder winter months at home.
Many of these “snowbirds” make new friends with people in similar relationships and attend events together, from going to the movies to fishing and golfing.
From the reports of the seniors themselves, it appears that the number of these older couples is increasing because many of them have made the courageous decision to be brave and “love again”.
Meanwhile, during my walks on sunny days, I have come across these seniors holding hands, many of whom, when a conversation arises, reflect on their personal happiness and speak openly about it.
I spoke to some of those I met and told them that I was a writer and that their names would not be mentioned in this article because I only cared about their newfound euphoria.
Because love is a very special private matter, even if its ray of happiness is clearly noticeable.
