Can you tell which Object Smut Books are real?

Anne has a favorite pillow, if you know what I mean. She has a night of, er, fun with said pillow, which turns into a hot human. Innuendo about the stuffing follows.

A woman is seduced by her sentient front door. “Front door” is not a euphemism; she has sex with her literal door.

A few months after his wife dies, a man sees a worm and thinks, “That’s my wife.” To his credit, it is his wife in a way. He has sexual fantasies in which he cuts his worm wife in half.

When Ginny’s new earbuds connect to her phone, she is mesmerized by the sensual, automated voice telling her her device is “connected.”

After the plane crash in the Australian outback, Joanna meets a 6-foot tall platypus man. He can talk, but he has a beak. Let your imagination run wild.

A man named Dev has a crush on Twitter’s bird logo and surprise – they exchange horny direct messages and end up having sex in real life. (This book was published before the platform’s name change, although a sordid love story called X basically writes itself.)

A woman has sex with a naked Easter bunny costume that was brought to life by a magic spell. His sperm tastes like candy.

A woman wants to lose her virginity to a demon who is apparently trapped in a crocheted octopus.

An alien takes the form of a bee and comes to Earth to find the perfect “female specimen” for “pollination.” The book is loosely based on The Bee Film.

A woman heats up some Easter marshmallow Peeps in the microwave and they turn into human men. The story gives a different meaning to “Fluffernut.”

Dr. Alexa is trying to develop a cure for COVID-19. Her boss, who has COVID himself, takes an untested version of Dr. Alexa’s cure, which magically turns him into the physical embodiment of the coronavirus. Social distancing doesn’t matter.

Two friends jokingly press “6969” on the number pad of an ATM, thereby awakening the ancient god who lives inside. They have a threesome and make the most of the ATM’s cash slot.

A witch curses a himbo named Connor, turning him into a libertine who lives in the garage of a woman named Taylor. You and the libertine do exactly what you think you’re doing.

In a world where hamburgers are illegal, Emmy meets and falls in love with none other than the Hambandit, a copy of the McDonald’s hamburger.

A woman falls in love with (and has sex with) a sentient coffee cup.

Love and sucking is the sexy love story between a man and his vacuum cleaner shapeshifter girlfriend.

In Of course, Raven finds $50 on the ground, and her luck doesn’t end there. This isn’t just any dollar bill, but one that has the spirit of President Ulysses S. Grant trapped inside it. To free his spirit, Raven must have sex with the bill. And, dear reader? She makes it rain.

Jewel casts a spell to get $2,000, and something goes wrong. A sentient (and muscular) stimulus check appears in her attic, and she’s certainly stimulated.

A man … enjoys a metal sculpture of a horse during a thunderstorm. The story begins with a quote from the Wikipedia page on lightning.

Mandi opens a can of Pamplemousse LaCroix, takes a sip and feels… different. The carbon dioxide has developed a life of its own and creates a fizzy feeling every part of her body. Mandi is torn between finishing her refreshing drink or prolonging the experience with this sexy sparkling water. She has to decide which thirst she wants to quench.