I want to shrink | Love letters

Meredith,

Long time reader, occasional commenter when I feel like I have some sage advice. I just discovered your podcast and am enjoying it, although I’m only on season 4, the pandemic year.

My question is… “When will it happen? You?” Yes, I am prepared for all comments criticizing me for this question, but I am having difficulty with this one.

First, some necessary background: I am in my mid-50s and was lucky enough to find my soulmate the second time around. We have merged our families as best we can over the past five years. I would say our children, who are all in college, are more co-living than truly being merged. We are the primary educators and caregivers of our children. Our exes are in the mix.

My wife and I have always had visions for our future: a small home near the ocean, filled with occasional visits from a child, their significant other, and grandchildren. Our current six-bedroom home is very laborious to clean and maintain. With our kids in college two-thirds of the year, I think now is the time to pursue that vision so we can start enjoying that life while we’re still young enough. We’ve waited a long time to find each other, and I don’t want to waste another moment pursuing our dream. When we talk to our kids, they’re not ready to give up on that vision. A smaller home would mean splitting their time between their parents and sharing rooms.

My wife sees it differently. She thinks we should delay our vision for another five or six years to make sure the kids are out of college and settled into their own lives. Five or six years seems arbitrary to me.

Who’s to say they’ll have a job or even a career by the time they’re 25? I worry that they may never be ready to leave the nest because we’ve dressed it in the finest linens and stocked the fridge with a myriad of their favorite foods.

Is it wrong that I want our future now?

– Now or forever?