I was dating a famous rock star. When we met, I had no idea who he was

In the wonderful summer of 2012, I flew with my sister and her friends to a festival in Spain.

A beach holiday and live music sounded like the perfect combination and I didn’t think twice about it.

The night before the festival started, everyone headed to the surrounding town with its cobbled streets for a pre-festival fiesta. And that’s where I met John*.

John was a friend of a friend and when my sister Georgia lost her phone that night, John came to her rescue. The two of them spent ages looking for it and it was only when they finally gave up that John introduced himself to me. He bought me a beer and we started chatting at the bar.

Georgia discreetly leaned over and whispered in my ear: “He’s the bassist in one of my favorite bands.”

The band in question was apparently a big hit on the indie music scene. But I had no idea who John was.

The person I met was the perfect gentleman; a mix of sweet, shy and smart. He was also full of kindness, a really nice, decent guy – not at all what you would expect from a rocker.

There was a flirtatious spark in the air between us, but no big fireworks display – I was mostly grateful that he had helped my sister.

It felt like nothing more than a friendly chat on an evening out and we stayed with him and his mates for the rest of the festival.

Because the guys were so well connected, they all had backstage passes. I even got a wristband so I could be there. It was totally surreal, something like that only happens to someone else, not to me.

But the guys were so relaxed and funny that nothing seemed intimidating. Inside I was jumping up and down, but to them I was the cool, laid-back Darryl.

Most of the time, John and I were alone. We would split off from the group to go to the bar or another stage and would talk and laugh nonstop. It seemed like there was so much we could talk about. We would also text each other during the day to make plans for the evening ahead.

The festival eventually came to an end, but our little group stayed in Spain for one more night – fortunately, because I wasn’t ready to go home yet. Someone was waiting for me.

Sam* and I had been dating for a few months. I didn’t tell John about my relationship status and forbade Georgia from talking about it. Besides, John was the perfect gentleman and hadn’t tried anything – he was guided by my actions or lack thereof.

However, my obvious and growing attraction to John was hard to ignore.

When we started talking about meeting in the UK, I knew I had to break up with Sam.

After initially ignoring my phone, I finally told him that our relationship wasn’t working for me anymore. I didn’t dare tell him that I’d met a somewhat famous musician, though – who wants to hear that?

I thought it would be nicer to say I had simply changed my mind, which happened to be true.

When I finally got home, John asked me if I would like to join his band at the Reading and Leeds Festival where they were playing.

It was a piece of cake. “Yes! I would love that!” I practically screamed.

For a first date, seeing some of your favorite bands – including your boyfriend – from the side of the main stage at a festival is a pretty sensational start.

I got the full VIP treatment with dressing room access and traveled, dined and partied with the band and their manager.

The next day, at the Leeds Festival, I was sitting on a stranger’s shoulders in the crowd and proudly shouted, “I see the bass player!”

I don’t think anyone could hear me over the roar of drums, guitars and thousands of other screaming fans, but I didn’t care. It was a great feeling to say that.

For the next few weeks I felt like I was in a movie. John had planned a date for us in London, with drinks in basement bars I didn’t know existed and comedy in a small, artsy venue. I was totally relaxed and comfortable in John’s company and speechless that someone had planned something so special for me.

In return, I took him on a big family trip to the Paralympics. John was immediately hooked, interested in everything and everyone, and my dad (obviously cooler than me) knew the band.

Soon the conversation turned to how we could handle our situation. It was mentioned that I could join the band for their next European concerts.

But not long after, our relationship came to an end.

My heart was racing nonstop, but I think it was the adrenaline rushing through my veins – in the end, it was just a holiday romance between two people from different parts of the country.

Ultimately, I liked the idea of ​​John more than John himself. I liked his personality and his company, but the sexual spark wasn’t there and I didn’t want to do anything I didn’t feel comfortable doing.

There was no big breakup or serious conversation; it was a summer fling that came to its natural end, and that was OK.

John and I stayed in touch, texting now and then and liking each other’s social media posts, but it was always just a question of “how’s the tour going?” New boyfriends or girlfriends were never mentioned – the conversations never lasted long enough.

Whenever he played a show in Liverpool, he put my sister on the guest list, which she really appreciated.

The next time I saw him was at a festival in London where his band was playing. I was there with my new boyfriend (now husband) Lee.

I had told Lee about my affair, so it felt a bit weird, but he liked John’s band and wanted to see them live.

In retrospect, it was a mistake.

Lee and I had a huge argument and after too much drinking and too little sleep, I texted John before leaving Lee to party the night away with the band.

The next morning I went to see Lee with my tail between my legs and confessed where I had been. He was understandably angry and incredibly upset, but we talked it through and I apologized. We made up and managed to enjoy the last day.

Over the next few years, Lee and I saw the band a few times. The awkwardness is long gone – I was open with Lee that my time with John was nothing serious when we got together.

Being with a musician may be a dream come true for some people, but I can tell you firsthand that being in a relationship with a rock star isn’t as great as it seems.

In fact, I will forever be grateful to John for introducing me to the indie music scene, and Lee and I laugh because my taste in music now completely matches his.

Our short relationship was very special and the time I spent with John in the summer of 2012 will always be one I will remember.

*Names have been changed

This article was first published on February 17, 2024.

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