Navigating the digital love jungle

Dating is difficult enough without having to get to know a man – or woman – online as well. As a woman, I can speak from personal experience and observation, as well as the insights of friends. I also listened to the comments of my male friends to get a balanced perspective on how to approach this medium.

I’ve been single since late 2017, tried most dating apps, been on countless dates and taken numerous breaks. So far, the field has nothing to offer. After a while, I try again. Why? Because it’s remarkably difficult to find a suitable partner at any age. Although I’ve attended a variety of social events, concerts, comedies, etc., and talked to all kinds of people and have great friends, I still haven’t met anyone I want to get closer to.

Honestly, the whole idea of ​​dating apps feels like being in a catalog. But it’s a case of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

A few months ago, a friend from Illawarra encouraged me to give it another try as she had met her dream partner on eHarmony years ago. Another friend from Sydney met her husband on Bumble. They are both exemplary couples!

So, once again, I ventured out of my sabbatical. Given my job, it’s not hard to imagine that I value words and images to convey a message. I equipped my profile with enough information to convey truth and generate interest. I populated it with a range of photos, including close-ups, action shots, and a full-body shot to ensure transparency: “What you see is what you get.”

Recently, I met a man on a dating app – let’s call him Dave – who showed interest. His conversations were interesting and entertaining. However, he hadn’t uploaded a photo, which is usually a deal breaker for me. Do these men have no idea? That’s not yet decided, but I suspect so. Studies have shown that men are very visual, but even though they put minimal effort into their appearance, they still seem to expect to find someone very attractive who can become their partner.

Back to Dave – he claimed he didn’t have any photos of himself. After some probing, he finally sent me a low-resolution mugshot on his gym membership card. The honest truth: There was nothing to identify him at all – it was a blurry thumbnail. I felt little motivation to get to know him better.

Is that hard? Let’s be honest. Usually these things start with some physical attraction.

I suspect that many men click on multiple profiles just to see what comes back. Women don’t work like that. While that may explain the amount of likes on my profile, the motivation to respond to the majority is lacking. Most women I’ve spoken to about this feel the same way. We’re looking for quality and someone who puts in the effort.

To be successful on dating apps, you have to put effort into presenting yourself. Here’s my advice: regardless of your age, your profile pictures are crucial. They are your “marketing” photos and must be accompanied by a good description to attract the interest of your target audience.

How can so many men miss this truism? What’s extraordinary is the abundance of photos of men holding up fish! It would be hilarious if it weren’t so tragic. So remember: “No fish photos.” After all, how many women do you know who actually enjoy fishing?

Here are some more valuable tips:

• Your children must not appear in the photos.
• Don’t imitate Putin shirtless unless you look like Chris Hemsworth, and even then it will look like you’re trying too hard.
• No profile photo in the bathroom mirror. (You wouldn’t believe how many men do this).
• The same advice applies to women: no bikini photos unless you are a swimsuit model, no obvious cleavage photos unless you want to appeal to that type of man, and no heavy makeup – naturalness is key.
• Avoid stubble unless he’s as well groomed as Hemsworth. Sorry – my obsession is obvious! But honestly, George Clooney or Brad Pitt are more in my age bracket, but I don’t expect either of them to show up any time soon. (I just aim for a well groomed man who’s fit and has something to say – that seems fair!)

To get the best photos, I advise you to ask a talented friend (or a professional photographer) to take relaxed photos with smiles in different situations – close, far, action photos, with animals, in nature – but be honest. Don’t get on a motorcycle just to look cool.

Now for the words: Think carefully about what you want to say about yourself and what you want before filling out the fields online. Capture the essence of what is important to you, especially in a partner. Write a draft and remove all the negative aspects – some people actually complain about past relationships in their profiles! This is a big no-no. Be positive about life and give insight into how you live your life. Honesty is key. Wait a day, check it again, show it to a friend, discuss it, make changes, leave it for another day and check it again.

I’m sure men who look at women’s profiles feel the same way. People prefer honesty and authenticity. Being negative, angry, rude or unfriendly is unattractive. I’ve read profiles that fit all four of these points.

If you’re meeting people through dating apps, I wish you all the best and hope these insights are helpful.

If there is a man out there who would like to share his online experiences, please get in touch!