Chris Duffy says it can be difficult to make friends as an adult

• Chris Duffy, a comedian and podcast host, says caring often takes away his social time.
• He began to spend more time in contact with casual acquaintances.
• Sometimes it leads to a friendship, but even if it doesn’t, it’s meaningful, he says.

This essay is based on a conversation with Chris DuffyAuthor of “Let’s hang out: Making (and keeping) friendships, acquaintances, and other non-romantic relationships.” It has been edited for length and clarity.

In my early 30s I was the nurse for my wife, who was struggling with chronic pain and other health issues. It was all-encompassing and there wasn’t much time for outside socializing. I really felt the loss of those connections.

Now, at 37, I am becoming parents for the first timeand my son is 6 months old. It’s a similar feeling: If I don’t reach out, there just aren’t many people around. It’s just not possible to have a social life in the same easy, unplanned way that I could in college or in my 20s.

But I realized that I can find social fulfillment through casual interactions. Sometimes when I’m walking with my son, I look meaningfully into the other parent’s eyes. We don’t even have to exchange words, but we acknowledge that we’re both here, walking the baby in the trenches at 6:30 a.m.

This simple exchange makes me feel less isolatedHere’s how to promote them in your life.

Take the pressure off

Friends are great, but find new friends creates a lot of pressure. Fortunately, you don’t have to see your friends every day to reap the benefits of social interactions. Research shows that even fleeting acquaintances can benefit our health and happiness.

So chat with the cashier, say hello to people on your walks, and ask how your barista is doing. You might open the door to a deeper relationship, but even if not, you’ll feel better.

Stop assuming that no one wants to talk to you

The biggest barrier to connection is almost always the idea that other people don’t want connection. But research shows that’s simply not true. Studies were of people on buses, where a passenger is asked to make small talk with the person sitting next to him. When the researchers ask about it, both feel much better.

The vast majority of interactions will be positive, so take the risk to start one. Don’t be afraid to make the first move and just say hello. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, and just break the ice can lead to a much greater reward.

just Come over

Go out into your community and show up at the same places regularly and you’ll see familiar faces. I’m not a great swimmer, but I started going to my community pool. It wasn’t long before I met some of my best friends. We bonded because we had that place in common. Maybe for you it’s the library, a coffee shop, or the park. Just get out there!

You don’t have to be vulnerable

Our culture promotes the idea that vulnerability is the most important thing to building relationships. I think time is much more important. Over time, you will bond with people and naturally become vulnerable unless you resist it. So no, you don’t need to pour your heart out to someone you’ve just met – instead, just ask how their day is going.

Join clubs or groups

Years ago, it was quite normal to belong to a religious community or club. Nowadays, this is not the case, but these community groups are still a good way to meet others. They are forced social gatherings where you are sure to see the same people over and over again.

As a comedian, I love weird things, so I joined the Los Angeles Breakfast Club. We meet every Wednesday at 7 a.m. for breakfast and sing songs about ham and eggs. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but for me it’s been great.

Don’t underestimate the Internet

There’s a notion that you can’t make real connections over the internet, but I was surprised at how wrong that is. The key is to find your own little corner of the internet where you can make connections. I’ve even heard of a group of people who meet every week in the comments section of the New York Times Metro Diary. Put aside the debate culture and just try to learn about others.

Making friends as an adult isn’t easy, but the more playful and generous you are about it, the more meaningful connections you’ll make.