Love me, but leave me alone, say the parents

Jeanne Phillips, aka Dear Abby (Photo courtesy of Andrews McMeel Syndication)

Dear Abby: My parents are in their 70s. They live in a retirement home. As they have gotten older, they have become more withdrawn. They no longer want their children or grandchildren around. I recently received a call telling me that they would no longer answer calls. I have stopped by their home, but they do not answer the door. The little relationship I had with them no longer exists. Any advice? — I want to get in touch

Dear Wanting: You cannot force your parents into unwanted contact. If you are concerned about their welfare, contact the police and ask them to conduct a wellness check as their behavior has changed.

However, if everything is fine, you must accept your parents’ wishes and stick to their decision, no matter how difficult it may be.

Dear Abby: I recently watched a video of Rozanne S., founder of Overeaters Anonymous, telling the story of the program’s founding and her own struggles with eating. She mentioned that her mother was instrumental in bringing information about OA to the public and was responsible for spreading it.

Abby, OA saved my life and I am grateful to Rozanne and your mom. After 39 years on the program, I have lost 120 pounds from my peak weight. I am now at a healthy weight and have been for almost 39 years. Aside from weight loss, I have sanity, freedom, and healthy relationships in my life. I only came here to lose weight, but the clarity I have gained from working the 12 steps is the most important thing I have ever done in my life.

I’m glad I didn’t have to rely on drugs to lose weight. I found that working on my inner self helped me get my outer weight back to normal levels. My only regret is that more people don’t know about this program and still think the solution is to “just lose weight.”

The introduction to my first OA book said, “Thinness does not make you healthy, but health makes you thin.” Today I love myself the way I am – something I never thought possible. – Joe A. from Houston, TX

Dear Joe: Thank you for your kind letter. I remember my mother’s interest in Food Addicts Anonymous and her respect for its founder. I also once had the pleasure of meeting Rozanne, a lovely woman. As most of us probably know, there are people who eat for reasons that have nothing to do with physical hunger.

The introduction of weight loss drugs has hit like a tidal wave and for some it has been miraculous (so far). However, for those who prefer a more conservative approach or cannot tolerate the side effects of these drugs or afford the cost, Overeaters Anonymous can provide a successful path to weight loss.

There are more than 6,500 OA meetings in 77 countries worldwide. This includes 2,500 virtual meetings that take place at almost any time of day from other locations around the world. Dear readers, if you are interested, you can find more information about Overeaters Anonymous at OA.org. As with any 12-step program, there is no membership fee, but donations are welcome.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.