After Andrea Kolbe’s death, a postnatal support program was launched

On a recent Friday morning, a group of about a dozen mothers sat in a circle, their babies lying in front of them on blankets decorated with teething rings, cloth books, stuffed animals and rattles.

One by one, the women talked about the ups and downs of the week.

For Alexandria Baxter, mother of five-month-old JJ, the lowest point was finding a stray dog, but the high point was finding her feet after giving birth.

The women are members of the Circle of Mothers group, which meets in Yaphank and Farmingdale. The group is run by The Nesting Place, a parenting center that offers paid services such as baby music and postpartum fitness classes.

In addition to face-to-face meetings, members of the Mothers Circle also participate in a group text chat where they share their thoughts, ideas and concerns.

“It’s good to get a lot of different opinions because then you can find out what works for you,” says Baxter, 35, a psychotherapist from Sayville.

While members of Circle of Mothers have found support, Laura Siddons and Jacqueline Aiello, who opened The Nesting Place in 2019, know how difficult the first few months – or even years – after giving birth can be.

About one in eight women report symptoms of postpartum depression in the year after giving birth, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Office on Women’s Health. Common signs include anger or moodiness, eating more or less than usual, withdrawing from friends and family, and “unusual” crying or sadness.

To reach these young mothers — and spurred to action after a Long Island mother committed suicide last year — Siddons and Aiello launched No Mom Left Behind, a free self-help program that provides young and expectant mothers with trained volunteers who can provide companionship or refer them to mental health services when needed.

“We just wanted to make sure something like this doesn’t happen again,” said Aiello, 37.

GROWING AWARENESS

After an uneventful pregnancy, Andrea Kolbe, a 35-year-old dance teacher from Huntington, suffered severe postpartum depression. After a visit to the emergency room, she was prescribed medication, but according to her sister Kyra Vocci, she had difficulty finding an affordable therapist.

In December 2023, three months after the birth of her son, Kolbe committed suicide, her sister said.

“I think the health care system has failed them,” said Vocci, 44, of Towson, Maryland.

Vocci recently founded Andrea’s Wish Foundation to raise awareness of postnatal depression.

“To this day, there is such a terrible stigma attached to it and I hope we can alleviate that,” she said. Vocci said she hopes to use the foundation to raise money to fund mental health visits for mothers, educate the public about postnatal depression and advocate for policies that support maternal mental health.

With “No Mom Left Behind,” Aiello and Siddons also try to help women who may be struggling with life after childbirth.

In April, they launched the program, which offers mothers support without having to leave the house.

“We wanted to start this other program where we could reach moms from our home,” said Siddons, 38, a doula who has three children. “Of course, the end goal would be for them to come to the in-person support groups, but sometimes they don’t feel well enough to do that.”

The program connects women with a mentor who calls them regularly before and after the birth.

“Essentially, it’s just about making these moms realize that they’re not alone and that they don’t have anyone outside of their inner circle,” says Siddons, adding that some new moms are unable to get out of the house with their baby because they’re so overwhelmed.

The peer mentors’ job, Siddons said, will be to ask: “Have you showered today? Have you been eating right? Have you thought about joining that moms’ group? If not, what are the obstacles getting in the way of doing that and how can I help you overcome those obstacles?”

Mothers who may be hesitant to talk to friends and family about their problems may be willing to confide in the peer mentor, Siddons says.

“It’s so powerful when someone just says, ‘Me too,’ when you’re struggling,” Siddons said. “It’s just such a sigh of relief when you know you’re not the only one. You feel like you’re going crazy in the middle of the postpartum period.”

Peer mentors complete a half-day virtual training course that teaches them how to be an active listener, risk factors for postpartum depression, how to recognize perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, and how to use community resources from The Nesting Place’s database, including maternal mental health professionals they can refer mothers to.

“It’s like building a bridge to make these other connections, because one person can only do so much,” Siddons said.

“A REALLY DIFFICULT ADJUSTMENT”

Catherine Del Percio believes that a program like “No Mom Left Behind” would have helped her.

After giving birth to her son Luca seven months ago, Del Percio was hospitalized for severe postnatal depression. Throughout her pregnancy, she said, people told her that when she gave birth, she would experience love like never before.

But she said: “That wasn’t my experience, so I felt like there was something wrong with me. The transition was just very difficult.”

Del Percio, 30, a psychotherapist from Kings Park, said she started attending the Circle of Mothers group when Luca was three months old.

“I think the most helpful thing for me was just being surrounded by moms who were struggling with the same issue and kind of normalizing the feelings that I was having,” she said. “Sometimes we just need a place to vent; sometimes we need advice or resources.”

Ashley Mapoli, a mother of three who now works as a mentor for No Mom Left Behind, said she struggled after the birth of her second child.

Mapoli, who was living in North Carolina at the time, said, “I developed postpartum anxiety and suffered from postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis to the point where I could no longer care for even my oldest child. My husband had to take time off from his job in the Air Force to be home and support me.”

Mapoli, of Medford, who now works as a birth and postpartum doula, said she turned to The Nesting Place after the birth of her third child. After attending some of their programs, she realized she needed counseling.

“I learned coping skills that were just incredible, and my mental health improved,” said Mapoli, 28. “I still struggle with the mental aspect because I have three kids and it’s really, really hard to juggle three different schedules.”

A SHARING

Devon Butler, a veterinary technician from Lindenhurst, has also drawn on her experiences as a new mother in her role as mentor. Butler, 33, said she went through a difficult time after her son, Julian, now 4, was born.

“I was one of the first of my friends to have children, so I didn’t really have a lot of support from other moms,” she said. “When this (No Mom Left Behind) came out, I really wanted to give back to the people who had helped me.”

In recent months, Butler has been working with Stephanie Wilches, a Huntington nurse who is expecting her first child in August. Wilches, 31, said the two have talked about postpartum support options, child care costs and even what to put on her baby wish list.

“It was nice to connect with someone on a level that I felt comfortable with and that went at my pace,” Wilches said. “Because she cared for me so much during my pregnancy, I know I can rely on her after delivery as well.”

As a health professional, Wilches is well aware of the potential issues that can arise after giving birth. She says it’s different talking to a colleague who is not in her immediate circle than talking to a family member or friend.

“It’s better to be in an environment where I have no inhibitions about sharing my thoughts. It was important for me to feel comfortable in a judgment-free zone,” she said.

Mental health is often a taboo subject, Wilches noted.

“I feel like having someone there to talk to you and just ask questions makes it a lot more pleasant and prevents a lot of potential incidents,” Wilches said. “It’s a completely safe place.”

Butler, her mentor, said she hoped she could convey a sense of hope after what she experienced as a young mother. She said she wondered for a while if she wanted to have another child because of what she went through with her first.

But her second son, Simon, is now 11 months old. And she says: “I think Simon is proof that you can get healthy.”

If you are pregnant or a new mother and feel like you are struggling, you can call 833-TLC-MAMA (833-852-6262) for free confidential support. If you are mentally ill or thinking about harming yourself, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.