Patriotic Songs for the Supreme Court | Columnists

Following the Supreme Court’s recent decisions favoring bold new ideas over outdated concepts like precedent and ethics, I heard many people over the Fourth of July weekend expressing the opinion that they no longer felt patriotic and certainly had no desire to sing patriotic songs.

That’s a shame.

Patriotic songs are part of what makes America so damn American, and that shouldn’t disappear just because of some Supreme Court decisions. In fact, I wrote some brand new patriotic songs specifically for certain members of that Supreme Court so they can celebrate their accomplishments. And since they conveniently fit the tune of patriotic songs you already know, I hope you’ll sing along:

Samuel Alito (with apologies to George M. Cohan)

You are a great old flag

You are a high-flying flag

The control over this lies entirely with my wife.

If it is upside down,

No reason to frown,

It signals distress. That’s life.

Sure, our biased views mean I should back off

Myself, but that would be annoying.

The white or blue can fade, that’s true,

But I raise a big red flag

Neil Gorsuch (with apologies to Francis Scott Key)

Oh, say, can you see why an expert is right,

And why should we give priority to their knowledge?

Who is as smart as a court? As far as I know, nobody!

That is why I led the charge to destroy Chevron subservience.

Nitrous oxide is present and does not pollute the air.

What, it’s “nitrogen” oxide? Sure, I don’t care.

Let’s say the EPA cannot issue regulations,

In the land of fees, where I will rule and can only pay to play.

Brett Kavanaugh (with apologies to Katharine Lee Bates)

O beautiful for spacious bench,

For amber pints of beer,

For unrestrained tips

To be clear, these are not bribes.

America! America!

Let past mistakes be ignored,

And please don’t look at the new book

By Christine Blasey Ford

Clarence Thomas (with apologies to Samuel Francis Smith)

My country, it is RV,

Dearest tip,

I laughed at you;

Don’t say it’s bribery

This claim is rejected,

Tips are justified

Let us graft freely

John Roberts (with apologies to Lee Greenwood)

Well, I am proud to be an American,

where the president is free

Sometimes committing acts that are crimes

with full immunity

And I like to write

In my opinion that’s ok.

Because a president can do no wrong.

God bless the USA

Yes, I am proud to simply declare a king,

who can commit his crimes with impunity.

Even if “No one is above the law”

is what defines democracy.

And indeed, let us address

The same goes for Nixon. He would still be president today.

Because a president can do no wrong.

God bless the USA

Seth Brown is an award-winning humor Writer, author of “From God To Verse,” and suggests that it is patriotic to vote. His website is RisingPun.com.