Netflix’s true crime documentary about a woman stalking a man reads like a book you can’t put down

It’s rare to find a true crime documentary that is equally entertaining, educational, and polished enough to resemble something you’d see on the big screen. Netflix’s new documentary Lover, stalker, murderer However, it meets these criteria while managing to pack an incredibly gripping narrative into an easily digestible 90-minute package.

Although the story spans several years, the portrayal of a recently single mechanic who plunges back into the dating business and is then confronted with an obsessive affair that changes his life and that of his loved ones forever feels complete and well explained despite the relatively short running time.

This is refreshing; true crime series too often end up with multiple episodes when at most one or two would be enough. While these multi-part offerings usually contain quite a bit of filler, Lover, stalker, murderer creates the digital equivalent of an old-fashioned page-turner that you just can’t put down.

The cinematography is excellent, with the production team using the real-life participants to portray the reenactments in a way that has a Hollywood feel with its minimalist polish. This method is a far cry from the low-budget feel of other offerings that likely run out of budget by spreading the story too thin across multiple episodes.

Ultimately, I enjoyed the documentary so much that I would be doing future viewers a disservice by going into detail about the plot here.

All you have to know is that it is the story of a woman spurned, and the pain she inflicts on the man who “cheated” on her is the wildest rollercoaster ride I have ever experienced.

Men as stalking victims

Some may watch the series to the end and then notice how fascinating it is that stalking events of this nature are directed against a man rather than a woman. This gender reversal has become somewhat more acceptable in the last year with the mainstream success of another Netflix series. Baby reindeera drama about a man who shows kindness to a woman, which sparks a dangerous obsession with him.

I have only seen a few episodes of Baby reindeer (it’s a bit too slow for my taste), so I can’t draw too many parallels to Lover, stalker, murderer. Yet both series show something we rarely see in court.

I have worked as a criminal defense attorney my entire career and have represented more people accused of stalking than I can name off the top of my head, but this group of clients has one thing in common: They are all men.

Nevertheless, there are cases in which men are victims of stalking, although significantly less frequently than their female counterparts. According to a bulletin from the U.S. Department of Justice, 3.4 million people were victims of stalking in 2019; 1.8 percent of the group were women and 0.8 percent were men.

How can the statistics be so disproportionate? Perhaps the number of known cases is misleading. A 2021 article in Psychology Today by Wendy L. Patrick, a trial lawyer and behavior analyst, claimed that men do not always want to report stalking behavior.

People have a hard time seeing themselves as “victims,” ​​regardless of gender. The thought that we can’t “get our affairs in order” with another person, toxic or not, is something we shy away from. What’s more, many of us are afraid to admit that we’re afraid.

Additionally, some men view stalking in a more flattering light when it begins nonviolently, especially when the perpetrator is of the same gender the victim is attracted to. Regardless, the obsession is impulsive, and there is no rhyme or reason to when nonviolent stalking can become dangerous or deadly.

Taking the right steps

Stalking can start with minor inconveniences. An unwanted message or text on social media may not even meet the legal definition of stalking. However, in the case of written correspondence, it is possible to block the social media account or phone number from which the messages are sent. Regardless, this activity can continue and increase exponentially.

If the behavior goes far beyond a written warning, that is a completely different situation.

Sometimes victims take steps like moving, adopting aliases, and using PO boxes so that no public records are linked to their physical address. These decisions cause massive disruption to the victim’s life, but they are steps that can be taken to end the stalking and, in the best case scenario, give the victim a little more peace of mind and security.

But Lover, stalker, murderer explains that these extraordinary measures sometimes only separate the victim from his or her perpetrator for a short period of time.

As the series also depicts, fear of escalating harassment and stalking can compel even men who are not necessarily conflict-prone to arming themselves for protection. As a strong supporter of our right to bear arms, I see no problem with this. Furthermore, I see no problem with legally owning a firearm for home security, even when there is no obvious danger.

But any victim of stalking — regardless of gender or identity — should be extremely cautious about how they handle a firearm in relation to the person they are stalking. Just because you are being stalked and fear for your safety doesn’t mean you can escalate an otherwise non-fatal encounter.

Of course, the use of a gun for self-defense depends on many factors that are beyond the scope of this column, but you have to proceed with caution. As my father always told me, you don’t bring a gun to a fight.

And just to reveal one possible spoiler: Lover, stalker, murdererI say: If you obtain a firearm for your protection in such a situation, make sure that no unauthorized person has access to it.

Adam Banner

Adam R. Banner is the founder and managing attorney of the Oklahoma Legal Group, a criminal defense law firm in Oklahoma City. His practice focuses exclusively on state and federal criminal defense. He represents defendants charged with sex crimes, violent crimes, drug offenses, and white collar crimes.

Law school isn’t for everyone, but its practice and approach seem to be increasingly permeating popular culture. This column is about the intersection of law and popular culture and the attempt to separate the real from the ridiculous.

This column reflects the opinions of the author and does not necessarily reflect the views of the ABA Journal or the American Bar Association.