Her outburst at the book club was unjustified

July 9, 2024

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a book club meeting in our library, the conversation briefly went off topic. One of the participants said loudly, “For God’s sake, is this ever going to end?”

Everyone in the group ignored her and acted as if they hadn’t heard anything, and the conversation quickly turned back to the book we had been reading.

My daughter (who is also in the group) and I wish we had said something to her. How could we have told her that her comment was unkind without humiliating her?

DEAR READER: What would you have said? “If you talk like that, we’ll wash your mouth out with soap”?

Wait – Miss Manners has just noticed that the Is what you could have said. Club members can set rules that result in consequences if they break them; they cannot arbitrarily insult each other.

Therefore, your best response is to either ignore the comment, as it is a reprimand in itself, or to make a joke about it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in an office with about 30 employees. There are several toilets available to employees and I have used all of them at some point.

When I occupy one of these, I’ve noticed that people never knock before trying to open the door. They grab the handle and pull it several times before walking away. Because of the style of the door lock, it’s easy to tell from the outside when the bathroom is occupied.

Isn’t it a matter of good conscience to knock before attempting to open a toilet that is only being used by one person? I even do this at home and definitely when I enter a public toilet.

DEAR READER: Uh, you do realize they’re in a hurry, right?

Not that Miss Manners would excuse bad manners for that reason. But the fact that her colleagues assume that the bathroom is empty and that they can therefore open the door does not seem heartless to her. Just expedient.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I placed a rush order (two hours in advance) for four items for my grocery store’s curbside service. I parked in the appropriate parking spot, let them know I was there, and then waited nearly 30 minutes for my items. (After about 10 minutes, someone from the store assured me my order was coming.)

When my order arrived, the young man seemed to sincerely apologize for my long wait. I thanked him and asked him to put my items in the trunk.

Then he apologized again, and his expression seemed to indicate that he was waiting for another answer.

I thanked him again both after his second apology and after my purchases were safely in my trunk.