Becca Kufrin wishes she hadn’t put pressure on herself to marry young

• Becca Kufrin played the lead role in “The Bachelorette” in 2018
• She was engaged to three men she met through the franchise.
• She says she always felt loved by her husband Thomas Jacobs.

This essay is based on a conversation with Becca Kufrin. It has been edited for length and clarity.

My love life was not easy. I was the winner of “The bachelor” in 2018 and said yes when Arie Luyendyk Jr. asked me to marry him. After he broke my heart on screen, I became “The Bachelorette” later that year and got engaged to Garrett Yrigoyen. When we split two years later, I joined “Bachelor in Paradise.” There I met my current husband Thomas Jacobs, to whom I proposed marriage.

Despite all the turmoil, I always felt loved. I was very lucky to grow up in a loving, supportive family. I always experienced a lot of love and kindness.

Fortunately, if I met ThomasI realized that he was raised the same way. He showers me with love, which makes it easy for me to extend the same love, support, patience, and kindness to our 9-month-old son, Benson.

I don’t plan to talk to Benson about the shows

I probably won’t really talk to Benson about my time on the shows. Not that he’ll mind when he’s older – I expect he’ll be more embarrassed than anything else.

Instead, I want to teach him about relationships using examples. Children learn from what they see, so I am careful to set a good example. Benson will see Thomas and I show each other respect, kindness, patience and grace. In time, he will learn from this. Hopefully, he will develop kindness and love for our family and the world.

I gave up my timeline and discovered myself

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self: Forget the timeline. It’s easy to set goals when you want to get married, have kids, buy a house and all those things. But how that plays out is different for everyone. Don’t be too hard on yourself, embrace the journey and let go of the pressure to check boxes.

When I was in my twenties and growing up in Small town in MinnesotaI was so focused on finding a partner and settling down. I wanted to meet all the criteria that a traditional life should meet.

Instead, I traveled and leave my comfort zone. I experienced so many different things. It allowed me to focus more on myself and find out what I really wanted and what fulfilled me, like traveling. When I had a baby and got married at 33, I felt like I knew myself.

I had to learn to accept a bit of chaos

Becoming a mother was much more difficult than I expected. Everyone tells you that, but no one can prepare you for it. Just trying to keep a human alive was exhausting. I was so used to working from home and being autonomous that I had to give birth to this little other human. So was letting my body heal after giving birth and trying to breastfeed.

Before I had Benson, I was so organized and tidy. I had to give that up a bit. I don’t know how a child manages to make so much mess. I’m constantly Wipe off Benson’s hands, face and everything around him. I hope maybe it will rub off on him and he’ll become a clean freak like mom.

The last five years have been a whirlwind, but I’m looking forward to the next five. I want to bring Thomas and Benson to my family in Croatia. We got married in a civil ceremony, so I’m looking forward to a bigger wedding celebration with family and friends. I want another baby, a sibling for Benson. I love adventure and can’t wait to see what’s next.