The outgoing columnist gives tips for an optimal life

Dear readers: Since I announced my retirement from this column, dozens of people have reached out to me on a variety of platforms to thank me for my advice over more than two decades and to wish me well in my “retirement.” I am deeply touched and grateful for this outpouring of support.

The thing is, I don’t think I’m retiring.

I have lived a stable, reliable life. I read even the worst book to the last page. I have never voluntarily given up a relationship, a commitment, or a job.

(I can hardly bear to leave a room!)

But I am giving up this commitment to work seven days a week – because I want to and because it is time.

My intention is to move on and take on other meaningful work.

Through writing this column, I have gained insight into thousands of lives.

The lessons I learned have inspired me and given me the strength to listen to my own advice, be authentic in my actions and – essentially – be as in control of my own life as possible.

Opening the door at this moment is a reflection of the privilege of good health, strong relationships, years of steady employment, and some prudent financial decisions. I am very aware of how lucky I am.

The way I like to think of this work is by imagining families reading these columns together at the breakfast table, adding their own viewpoints before reading mine.

And yes, there are still parents and grandparents who clip newspapers and send relevant columns to their children in college or summer camp, or stick them on refrigerators and bathroom mirrors.

I’ve heard from health care workers, police officers, firefighters, and office workers who said they discuss the issues raised in the column in the break room.

I’m glad to know that and I will miss drinking coffee with you.

The questions raised in this area have been used as teaching tools in middle schools, dementia care units, ESL classes, and prisons. These are perfect platforms to discuss ethical, human dilemmas.

On my last day of communicating with you in this way, I feel compelled to summarize my experiences and offer some lasting wisdom, but I have gained no new insights. Everything I know I have gleaned from wisdom gathered elsewhere.

Boxer Mike Tyson once said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched…” Punches are inevitable. But I think I’ve learned some universal truths that might soften the blows.

They are:

Be there for people.

Be gentle to yourself – and to others.

Lead with kindness and acknowledge kindness when you receive it.

Keep your harshest judgments to yourself. Think about your worst thoughts about others and consider the consequences before you say them.

Get involved by finding something or someone to care for.

Find creative ways to express your feelings.

Admit your mistakes and shortcomings and resolve to do better.

To ask for forgiveness.

Work hard to not be defined by the worst things that have happened to you.

Recognize even the smallest blessings and express your gratitude.

Be kind to receptionists, restaurant waiters, dental hygienists, and anyone you have to physically touch or serve as part of their job.

Understand that there are times when it is necessary to give up.

Spend time in nature.

Identify, develop or explore your core ethical and/or spiritual beliefs.

Recognize your own need to control someone else and let go of it.

Respect boundaries – your own and those of others.

Seek the advice of people who are wiser than you. Ask them for advice and listen.

I sometimes provide “scripts” for people who have asked me for the right words to say, so I thought I would distill these down to the most important statements I think anyone can make.

They are:

I need help.

I’m sorry.

I forgive you.

I love you like you are.

I am on your side.

You are sure.

You are not alone.

Now that I’m almost at the end of my film, I hope you’ll pay attention to the credits.

Many thanks to my friends and colleagues in Chicago, including Jim Warren for finding me, Ann Marie Lipinski for hiring me, Steve Mandell for filling in for me, and editors Mary Elson, Bill O’Connell and Carrie Williams. Many thanks to “Gentleman Jack” Barry for easing my exit.

And especially to Tracy Clark, a talented novelist who helped me correct my thinking and grammatical errors for many years.

Finally, I would like to thank my loyal readers who can find me on social media and through my regular newsletter.

Further!

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter. @fragenamy or Facebook.

©2024 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.