Swiftie dads show the power of positive masculinity

It was still early in the day when the men started appearing on the streets with glitter in their copper beards. They wore cowboy hats with rhinestones on their heads. And they wore T-shirts that said “It’s me. Hello. I’m the dad. It’s me” and “Spending a lot of money right now.” My family and I were in Cardiff for Taylor Swift’s Eras tour and the Celtic dads were there in force and ready for it. We had just come to see Taylor. We left with a newfound appreciation for the power of positive masculinity.

I’d long known of the existence of Swiftie dads—I live with one, after all—but I’d thought of them as the “sing-along-to-Shake-It-Off-in-the-car” kind rather than the boa-clad men I saw strolling up and down Main Street that bright June Tuesday. And yet there they were, forging enthusiastic bonds not only with their families but with each other, sharing a brotherhood in friendship bracelet-clad arms. And we experienced it firsthand when we met an old friend of my husband’s, with his wife and young daughters in tow, wearing a T-shirt that read “Dad (Taylor’s Version).”

Our modern loneliness epidemic is significantly worse among men, who now have only about half as many friends as they did a generation ago. This isolation can have a significant impact on their mental and physical health and their life expectancy. They also spend about half as much time with their children as mothers do – and according to a Pew Research Center survey, the majority of them say that’s not enough. But as Prince William himself might tell you – Taylor could help you on several fronts in this regard.

It’s not about spending money or going to concerts, although that can be fun too. It’s about the emotional power of the fandom within families and between friends – even if that fandom deviates a little.

Ben Valenta, co-author (with David Sikorjak) of 2022’s Fans Have More Friends, has some advice for the haters. He tells me, “We dismiss Taylor Swift’s or our daughters’ interest in Taylor Swift as girly or a waste of time, which is damaging to us. It’s an opportunity to connect and deepen our engagement with each other.” And when I describe the scene in Cardiff last week to him, he says, “What you saw is fandom in action. There are different levels of interaction. The dad is there with his daughters; that’s the main purpose. But the reason for wearing the T-shirt is to signal to other dads, ‘Hey brother, I see you,’ and to create opportunities for additional social interaction.”

And also to enjoy some really good music. Joseph Romm, a senior research fellow at the Penn Center for Science, Sustainability and the Media (PCSSM) – and a man who has some good suggestions for Taylor about what she can do about climate change – admits he only met Taylor through her now-teenage daughter. But they will be checking out the tour in Toronto because they both appreciate her art and the conversations her songs spark.

“My first real introduction to Taylor was ‘Shake It Off,'” he recalls. “My daughter was seven. I’ve always been interested in the best storytellers, so we bonded over music and storytelling. We watched the film (‘Eras ​​Tour’) together and discussed endlessly what the songs mean, because Taylor, as you know, likes to be cryptic. We have fun arguing about ‘But Daddy I Love Him.’ Is the last chorus really about Travis?” he asks, adding, “I have very strong opinions about that song.”

For Romm, Swift offers a unique insight into the experience of girlhood. “Taylor obviously has a connection with these girls,” he says. “What she says clearly resonates with girls like my daughter. That’s important to understand.” He also really appreciates Swift’s work. “I always tell people to watch her NPR Tiny Desk concert, and you’ll experience her musicianship,” he says. “You’ll see how she feels about her music. And you’ll hear some very beautiful songs. To dads, I would say there’s a reason your daughter has a connection with Taylor, and it’s worth finding out the reason.”

Billboard editor Steve Knopper shares this opinion. He has been following Swift since his daughter Rose, now 22, was a fan as a 9-year-old. “When she was that age,” he recalls, “I thought, OK, my daughter is the center of the pop music universe. I’m just going to pay close attention to what she listens to. I didn’t like all of it. But when she met Taylor Swift – and she went through a massive Taylor Swift phase – I thought, I’m going to listen here with her. And we just listened to everything.”

The two also saw Swift on her 2011 and 2013 tours. “I loved hanging out with Rose and experiencing that with her,” he says. “Building a deeper connection with Rose through music was incredibly rewarding. I remember talking to my ex-wife about it: ‘I think Rose is lucky to have such a worthy pop star of her generation.’ Not every generation gets that.” He continues: “When I see stuff on social media where people my age – men and women, but mostly men – are just out to say she’s less than worthy, I don’t really understand it. She’s not. She’s obviously not. She’s amazing.”

A decade later, their tastes may have diverged, but the musical bond between Knopper and his daughter is still strong. “We treat each other with respect,” he says. “And it’s funny because we communicate in a very simple way through music. It’s very natural for us.”

That’s the kind of future tech executive Kevin Brown – the friend we met in Wales – wants. “I once read that if you want a good relationship with your kids, you should do the things they’re interested in,” he says, “and be a part of it.” He tells me: “I could have gone for the classic: ‘I’m a dad, I don’t interfere. This is for my wife and daughters.’ Or I could have just accepted it and had fun. So I thought: great, where are the tattoos? Let’s do them. And I’m still trying to wash them off.”

Looking back on the trip, Brown says, “I was incredibly lucky to be in a place at a time where I could be there for my children and be involved. My daughters are six and nine; they will soon be seven and ten. It was one of those moments that I hope they, and certainly my wife and I, will remember for a lifetime.”

And when Eras ends, Ben Valenta hopes dads will continue to expand their opportunities to create more of these special experiences. “One of the things we’ve been focusing on over the last six months is where fandom starts,” he says. “Fandomism usually starts in the family. As we traveled around the country and spent time with families, it became very clear how gendered sports fandom is at the family level. Everyone kind of assumes that’s what the boys do.”

Now, however, he notes, “With the Swift phenomenon, fathers are yearning for ways to connect with their daughters. I think if more people realized that sports could be the same thing, they could use it in the same way. I’m all for connecting through Taylor Swift; I think that’s really positive. But I would suggest that Taylor Swift could do another tour, maybe even two more. But the New York Yankees? They’re coming back next year and the year after that, forever. That’s the beauty of sports. If we can make that connection, we can have it forever, and it can be the bond that binds us together forever.”

These bonds we build and continue to build with our kids – mine are college students and the Taylor experience has stayed with me for life – come from meeting them where they are, when we care about their interests over any limited gender norms. Real men can wear a boa cone just as well as a baseball cap. It makes it all a lot more fun. And Dad might discover some really cool stuff while making memories.

“When Rose became interested in Taylor Swift,” says Knopper, “I was trying to understand and bond with my daughter and her friends. She listens to songs like ’15’ and ‘You Belong with Me’ and brings them closer to me. Suddenly I’m getting these messages in the form of Taylor Swift straight from the girls’ hearts. It was a wonderful phase with Rose. It lasted, I don’t know, four or five years. I enjoyed every second of it. I’m sad it’s over. And,” he says, “I still love Taylor Swift.”