Review: The Strip Club: Northgate Shopping Center – Essen

Lahmbiajin and more at Usta Kababgy – the ultimate Meat Boss (Photos by John Anderson)

Welcome to the strip club showcasing Austin’s malls. Where else can you get your eyebrows plucked while you transfer money? Eat halal Mexican food in your new mouth guard? See a cool dictator sipping a warm pupusa?

I’ve been warned: Northgate Shopping Center is a bit sketchy. My girlfriend is going there to buy clothes for her costume job and is trying not to go alone. As I pull into the parking lot, I can see what she means. The mall sign is half filled with long-gone businesses, several cars are parked across the parking spaces, and two scruffy guys are loitering behind some lit-up emergency vehicles in front of Action Pawn.

But rough edges aside, this place offers exactly what I’m looking for: immigrant-owned businesses supporting growing immigrant communities and an environment that usually means affordable, delicious food.

Usta Kebabgywhich loosely translates to “meat boss,” is a Turkish-themed restaurant, but could probably be anywhere in the Levant. I never find out exactly where, because when I ask my friendly Algerian waitress, she refuses to chat about the owners. I try to charm her by speaking awkward French. not more.

She does, however, let it be known that the other two people working her shift are Cuban and Mexican, which is fitting since there’s an ice cream counter next to the cash register with flavors in Spanish and a section of the menu with what might be the only selection of halal Mexican dishes in Austin.

A spicy Michelada is the secret of Victorina’s House

I skip this section and instead opt for the slightly more daring lahmbiajin, or “meat with dough.” This one is less bready than the others and more like a limp hamburger pizza, but that doesn’t matter because it’s a Turkish treat of well-seasoned ground meat topped with parsley, red onion and thin, long-sliced ​​cucumbers.

Ready to let the meat boss me around, I reach for the “1 lb Mix,” a platter of grilled kofta, lamb tikka, and chicken tikka served on half a piece of flatbread with grilled tomatoes and onions. It’s the beast of the Middle East, and goes great with their impressive and inexpensive vegetable platter, which includes four pieces of falafel, hummus, baba ghanoush, dolma, roasted cauliflower, and salad, served with a whole piece of flatbread. It’s perfect, especially the crispy falafel balls and the baba ghanoush.

The entire meal comes with three dipping sauces: garlic yogurt, tahini and a green sauce that looks and tastes similar to the Verde Salsa at Tacodeli and, when combined with the spicy meat, is reminiscent of Al Pastor’s Lebanese immigrant roots.

I love this place but the drinks situation leaves a lot to be desired as (understandably) there is no alcohol on the menu and water is served in those hard to open, probably toxic, tiny, flimsy plastic bottles. On the plus side, there are free self-service tea bags (Earl Grey but no mint?) and a kettle.

For dessert, I’m gifted a ma’amoul date cookie that can best be described as a sandy Fig Newton, but their spectacular honey-drizzled baklava seems like an oasis. Grandpa!

Next door in Dollar Fiesta – “Over 10,000 items” – At the door, I’m greeted by a small, secluded area with a barber’s chair and a sign that reads “Diva Brows by Sita.” The eyebrow threading ($10) will have to wait for another day, because this place is a junk shop for the ages, with enough plastic to cover the Gulf of Mexico, along with an especially large selection of affordable children’s birthday party supplies and a bank transfer service.

Pupuseria Usuluteca serves the people’s pupusas

Speaking of party supplies, I need something to drink and Victorina’s House delivers because their micheladas are so spicy and salty. Their dolled-up waitresses are all about football and serving men, which brings this bar towards the “breastaurant” with a selection of typical bar food, but it’s their wide selection of tequila and mezcal that spices it up for the passable aguachile I wolf down at the bar. This place is a delightful hole in the wall where no one seems to speak English and everyone wonders what the hell I’m doing here. Hello!

SPORTSKINGDOM PLUS advertises everything from DVDs and scales to belts and cologne, but what stands out is the glass display case full of cubic zirconia grillz. I ask how they work and the nice lady explains that they come with a water-based mold that molds to your teeth. One is brass, has fangs, and the price is OK, but I decide that ingesting petrochemicals probably isn’t worth the ensuing joke, so I opt for one instead. Sanford and Son Baseball cap with Redd Foxx’s embroidered face and the words “YOU IDIOT”. Lamont!

Hats at SPORTSKINGDOM PLUS (Photo by Taylor Holland)

After stopping by La Michoacana Meat Market to grab some Mole Poblano Fresco, a handful of Glorias, and a glimpse of the tempting Caldo de Res at the taqueria counter, I walk across the parking lot to see if the original The Tacorrido offers their remarkable Taco de Hongos, which I know from their Riverside location – heavenly when paired with their addictive molcajete salsa. Is it you? NO.

Still hungry, I sit in the Dollhouse Usuluteca beneath a portrait of El Salvador’s President Nayib Bukele, who once called himself “the coolest dictator in the world.” Bukele, who is of Palestinian Greek Orthodox descent, became known for ridding his country of gangs at the cost of thousands of wrongfully imprisoned civilians. But Salvadorans are reportedly happier now, feeling safe at night to eat pupusas, which come in three different forms here: beans and cheese, chicharrón and cheese with loroco – a vine native to El Salvador that produces edible flowers. Served with salsa and vinegary slaw, they taste best here outside of the hearty tamal de pollo, a beautiful old bird rivaled only by an abuela from Oaxaca.

The mojarra frita, a whole fish touted as “crispy on the outside but tender and juicy on the inside,” was actually so crispy on the outside and inside that it was meatless and almost inedible. Empanadas de plátano is a dessert made with a mixture of plantains and leche poleada, a thick, floury filling that I could do without. Again, the beverage situation leaves a lot to be desired, as the melon agua fresca is made with a mixture, there is no alcohol, and the water is also bottled, which makes me wonder if there is a water quality problem at Northgate Shopping Center.

Like she said, it might be a little sketchy, but so is P. Terry’s at Sixth and Congress, so don’t let that stop you.

Northgate Shopping Centre

9300 N. Lamar