The song that Paul McCartney finds too emotional to perform
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Although Paul McCartney and John Lennon’s relationship was notoriously turbulent during the Beatles’ later years and in the years that followed, McCartney was always proud that they were able to reconcile before his friend’s tragic death. “It would have been the worst thing in the world if he had just been killed and we had still been on bad terms,” McCartney said.
Lennon’s death left an irreplaceable hole in the music industry and in the hearts of those closest to him, like McCartney, who was understandably immensely grateful that the couple managed to iron out the wrinkles of their strained relationship in the moments before his death. Even though the heated feud, played out publicly, seemed to push things past the point of no return, their affection for each other clearly always remained intact.
Perhaps it was because they were both going through similar experiences together: coping with the intensity of being in one of the most famous bands in the world, and coming to terms with a life forever changed by being in the public eye. Even at the height of Beatlemania, the pair appreciated the support they found in each other.
Shortly after Lennon’s death, McCartney tried to channel his grief into the art of music, hoping that he could find some solace in holding onto many things that were unspoken. The song he wrote, “Here Today,” sings of many memories the couple shared together, as if he were speaking the words directly to his friend. As he explained in an interview with The London Times: “In my mind I’m talking to John. It’s a conversation we haven’t had.”
McCartney wrote the piece in complete solitude in a room in Sussex that would later become his recording studio. “It was very emotional to write this song,” he revealed BBC Radio 4. “I was just sitting in this little bare room, thinking about John, and I realized I had lost him. And it was a great loss. So it was a kind of comfort to be able to talk to him in song.”
More than four decades later, the song still means just as much to McCartney. He added: “It’s a very exciting experience to play this song in concert. Just me and the guitar. In the middle of a big arena with all these people.”
He continued: “Many of them cry. It’s always a very sentimental, nostalgic and emotional moment.”
Looking at some of the song’s lyrics, it’s easy to understand why experiencing such a deeply sentimental piece live has such an impact on McCartney’s audience. Not only does it show the deep connection the two found with each other, but it also ends on a heartbreaking note full of sincerity as the musician sings, “If I say I really did love you / And was glad you came / Then you were here today / ‘Cause you were in my song.”
Even more emotional is the fact that he wanted to tell Lennon that he loved him, but never did because he felt it was taboo for men to say such a thing at the time. Despite this, he always loved and admired his friend, even during heated arguments and famous controversies. He may not have said it directly and intentionally out loud or to Lennon’s face, but it was always there nonetheless.
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