The human cost of book bans • Daily Montanan

Republicans in Florida and other states have pushed to ban any mention of queer people in public schools. Libraries welcome drag queen storytimes, but conservatives oppose them. Some use vicious slogans like “Kill your local pedophile.”

It is appalling, but not surprising in a country where more than a third of adults say they support the ban on books with stories about transgender youthSchool districts across the country are doing just that, and right-wing activists are even closing libraries to accomplish the same thing.

If you’re feeling déjà vu, you’re not alone. Conservatives and fascists have been baselessly accusing queer people of pedophilia, obscenity, and pornography for over a century. But what is everyone afraid of?

One possibility is that they are afraid that their children will choose to live as transgender. If queer people and stories are censored, the children will not grow up queer, the thinking goes. This is a predictable logic, but also ineffective and cruel.

I know this because I grew up in such a system.

I grew up in a Southern Baptist family on military bases. I didn’t know any transgender people. Adults around me referred to transgender people with words like “shim” or said “that’s not a man or a woman, that’s an it.” Mainstream movies and shows like Ace Ventura, Little NickyReno 911 and millions of other movies have taught me that “men in drag” are objects of contempt and disgust.

I tried to look up information about transgender people, but couldn’t find anything in the school library or other community libraries – and the online tools these institutions used filtered out queer content. I told therapists that I was uncomfortable with my gender, but they said it was a passing phase because my father was stationed overseas.

My puberty progressed, I grew facial hair, grew to 6’5″ and developed a deep voice. I hated every inch of my hairy, giant body. When I started self-harming out of desperation, another therapist insisted it was just a phase.

I still remember the first time I read an article about a trans person that didn’t mock them, in the famous “Transgender Tipping Point” issue of Time Magazine in 2014. I was 22. My transformation began almost exactly 8 months later.

It’s a tough life. My size and voice keep me from the “passability” of trans celebrities with endless money. Nothing can reduce my size, voice surgery is absurdly expensive, and my (pretty good) health insurance doesn’t cover facial hair removal.

Because I can’t hide my transsexuality, I’m constantly exposed to transphobia whether I’m in public or applying for a job. And I still suffer from constant dysphoria.

My body and my pain are a result of censorship. It didn’t have to be this way.

If I had access to books like Imogen Binnies NevadaT Coopers Adventures for real menor Jazz Jennings Be jazzI might have known enough to seek treatment sooner, or at least understood my needs better, and my life would be safer and less painful in many ways today.

Your own child or your neighbor’s child could be in the same situation as me. They deserve a chance to learn about transgender people so they can avoid lifelong consequences. They deserve your help so no one can deny them the chance to learn that they may be transgender.

So support public access to queer literature in your community on library boards, school boards, and city halls. Don’t let the book burners erase queer history right under our noses again.