In-laws abandon me after the death of my parents

Dear Annie, My name is “Clara.” I am a 42-year-old woman and have been married for 19 years. We live on the West Coast, about a 10-hour drive from both of our families. We have a good relationship with my husband’s family – not bad at all, even though we don’t see them very often. I thought they all approved of me and liked me.

My father died 20 years ago. My mother died six months ago from pancreatic cancer. My husband’s parents didn’t tell me anything after they died and still don’t. No personal messages to me or anything. One of his sisters texted me, which I appreciated, but his other siblings didn’t say anything.

They do a Zoom call together every two weeks, and on the call after my mom died, it sounds like they all told my husband to “tell Clara we’re sorry” and “give Clara our love.” He forwarded their messages to me, which I appreciated, but none of them reached out to me or said anything to me in person. I know it can be awkward not knowing what to say, but even a quick text is better than saying nothing at all.

I still feel hurt, but I know I need to put it behind me. Perhaps my story can help other readers understand how important it is to reach out when someone has suffered a loss. – Very hurt

Dear Very Hurt: I am so sorry for your loss. You are right that people are uncomfortable with the subject of death, but that is no excuse not to reach out to you. Thank you for your letter. I am printing it in the hope that other family members will reach out to those who have lost loved ones to offer comfort. Please feel free to show this letter to your husband.

How Do I Forgive My Cheating Partner? is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation — is available in paperback and e-book. For more information, visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].

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