Why didn’t my husband’s family contact me after my parents died?

Dear Annie: My name is “Clara”. I am a 42-year-old woman and have been married for 19 years.

We live on the west coast, about a 10-hour drive from both of our families. We have a good relationship with my husband’s family – not bad at all, even though we don’t see them very often.

I thought they all agreed with me and liked me.

My father died 20 years ago. My mother died of pancreatic cancer six months ago. My husband’s parents didn’t tell me anything after her death and still don’t.

No personal messages to me or anything.

One of his sisters sent me a text message, which I was very happy about, but his other siblings didn’t say anything.

They do a Zoom call together every other week, and on the call after my mother died, it sounds like they all told my husband, “Tell Clara we’re sorry” and “Tell Clara our love.”

He forwarded their messages to me, which I appreciated, but none of them contacted me or said anything to me personally.

I know it’s hard sometimes to know what to say, but even a quick text is better than saying nothing at all.

It still hurts me, but I know I have to put it behind me.

Perhaps my story can help other readers understand how important it is to reach out when someone has suffered a loss. — Very hurt

Dear very hurt person: I am sorry for your loss.

You’re right that people are uncomfortable with the topic of death, but that’s no excuse not to come to you.

Thank you for your letter. I am printing it in the hope that other family members can also offer comfort to those who have lost loved ones.

Don’t hesitate to show this letter to your husband.

Read more Dear Annie And other advice columns.

How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner? is now available! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book. Visit Creators publish for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].