How my husband and I found peace together

If you meet Jeff and I or watch any of our YouTube videos, our connection is obvious. So much so that it’s not uncommon for someone to stop us on the street to tell us how cute we are together or how much they enjoy seeing us as a couple. What may seem like the honeymoon phase to outsiders is our everyday practice of affirmations, inside jokes, and loving touches.

Most weekends, you can find Jeff and I anywhere there’s live music, relaxing by the lake with our dog, or trying a new restaurant in the Bay Area. No matter where we are, you’ll most likely find us together enjoying each other’s company.

When you look at us together, we seem inseparable. And in many ways, we are. As a couple, we have been together for two and a half years, share a home in Oakland, are creative partners, co-own our YouTube travel channel, Baecation Connect, and support each other in the day-to-day running of our respective businesses.

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But what began as a whirlwind romance may never have happened without tragic circumstances. Before I met Jeff, I was an executive at Instagram and married to my partner of 21 years, who died unexpectedly of a heart attack in May 2021. Suddenly, I was a 40-year-old widowed single mother of a teenage son with no idea how to put the pieces of my life back together.

Jeff, who performs under the stage name “J Toney” and works as a musician and drone pilot, had also suffered a loss and was going through a difficult period in his life. After finding early success in the music industry as part of the groundbreaking Bay Area rap duo Side 2 Syde, a series of personal setbacks almost caused him to give up on his first love, music.

Given our personal issues, a relationship was the last thing on our minds. Neither of us expected to meet someone new the night we met. In fact, we were both hesitant to go out that night. But somehow, we ended up at the same bar, hanging out with friends. One of my friends had just started dating a guy she met online. He happened to be Jeff’s friend and invited him to come along. After some small talk at the bar, Jeff and I sat next to each other in the backseat of my friend’s car. During our short car ride, our eyes met and an undeniable spark ignited between us.

As powerful as that encounter was, I might have missed that spark if I hadn’t been in the right frame of mind. In the weeks leading up to that outing, I had talked to my therapist about how lonely I felt without the company of my friend and partner of 21 years. I told her that I might be open to meeting someone new, but then I immediately felt guilty, like the very idea of ​​being with someone else was wrong. I even worried about what others would think of me dating someone again so soon.

Then my therapist asked me, “What would Al (my late husband) want for you?” With tears streaming down my face, I told her that he would have wanted me to be happy again. And with that thought in mind, as I got dressed to go out the night Jeff and I met, I said out loud to the universe, “I’m open to whatever happens tonight.”

Just three months after that chance encounter, Jeff and I took the leap of faith and took a romantic getaway to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico together. And over the next 12 months, trips to St. Thomas, Maui, and Negril, Jamaica led to unforgettable adventures and the time and space to fall in love even more deeply. After our first trip to Mexico, we came up with the idea of ​​creating a travel channel called Baecation Connect to document and reflect on our incredible love story and inspire other couples to fall in love again.

After spending a lot of time traveling together in 2022, we’ve spent the last year focusing on our creative endeavors. From the important lessons I learned through grief and healing, I wrote my first book, titled “Do You.” The book, due out in February 2024 from Fast Company Press, details the rise of my career and my journey to rebuild my life after loss and find love again – including all the information about how Jeff and I met.

Jeff has also been busy writing and recording his new album, The Testament. He is so proud of his latest work, which combines his art of storytelling and passionate delivery with soulful melodies rooted in the streets of Oakland, where he grew up. The album’s first single, “Freshah,” was considered for Best Rap Song and Best Melodic Rap Performance in the 66th Grammy Awards. The album features some special collaborations, including with Chicago-based singer Rob Jones of Blackground Records and legendary singer Mike Marshall, the original voice of the multi-platinum Luniz hit single, “I Got Five On It.”

If you ask us how we’ve accomplished so much in the last year, we’d tell you it’s because of each other. “We support each other in every way,” says Jeff. We’re also wise enough to recognize a good thing when it comes our way. “After everything we’ve been through, we know how important the present moment is, and we want to live it to the fullest,” adds Jeff.

With big projects releasing this year, we’re excited for the future together and living life to the fullest – including our wedding after Jeff proposed to us in a surprise move at his album release party in February! You can follow our journey on Instagram or via our YouTube channel Baecation Connect.