Eminem’s “Death of Slim Shady”: The most exhausting lyrics

Photo: EminemMusic via YouTube

It has been 25 years since The Slim Shady LP catapulted Eminem to superstardom and cemented his blond bad boy persona in the pop culture canon. Mothers got angry, pearls were clutched, and Dr. Dre and Jimmy Iovine laughed their heads off. Over the years, Eminem has attempted to leave the alter ego that made him famous behind by quitting drugs and devoting himself full-time to being a father. He’s also made some terrible albums along the way, suggesting that without a character to unload all the sick crap that’s in his head on, Eminem just isn’t as interesting.

His latest album, The Death of Slim Shady (Coup de Grâce)pretends to bury the person, but in practice it feels like he’s just digging them up again to incite and shock us once again with his depraved thoughts. Unfortunately for Slim, the world has changed. Even if Slim Shady is “just a character,” the rape jokes, fat discrimination, transphobia, and politically incorrect rants don’t hit as hard as they once did – and for many, they obviously never did – making Em look less like an edgy provocateur and more like Steve Buscemi with a skateboard and a Music Band T-shirt.

Eminem remains a commercial force to be reckoned with and will likely re-enter the charts at No. 1, but for a rapper obsessed with his reputation as a sharp-tongued lyricist, his writing style here is more than a little embarrassing. Worn-out metaphors, rude innuendo, childish rape jokes – there’s even a line that suggests he’s bragging about putting feces in a 15-year-old girl’s mouth. The fact that these lyrics come from the point of view of a disgusting character doesn’t exactly make them any more palatable. In celebration of Eminem’s funeral rites for his toxic and hackneyed alter ego, we’ve rounded up the 10 most exhausting lines from The death of Slim Shady. Let’s hope he stays dead.

10. (triple tie) “Bitch, I was in the trenches like the Columbine shooters” (“Lucifer”)

“I put a magazine in the Uz’ that I really wanted to use and I look like Nikolas Cruz” (“Antichrist”)

“Kyle Rittenhouse, spits out bullets, the TEC shoots like…” (“Fuel”)

While some rappers idolize mobsters or gunslingers from the West, Slim Shady’s heroes seem to be pale losers with poor social skills and access to firearms. But the reference to Kyle Rittenhouse is odd to say the least, since his lasting image is not the deaths he caused, but the howling, hyperventilating crocodile tears he shed on the witness stand. Is that your king?!

9. “If I asked Megan Thee Stallion to collaborate with me / Would I really have a chance at success?” (“Houdini”)

It’s truly baffling that anyone, anywhere, thinks it’s funny that Megan Thee Stallion was shot in the foot. She was shot and literally tried to run it away! And yet people are so desperate to make fun of her instead of the circus clown who attacked her and then tried to hide behind his child in court.

Besides, this ambiguity is just stupid.

8. “What, did you fall dead in my lap? You call that head? / I suck my dick better than you, haha” (“Antichrist”)

In another context, this line could actually be funny; imagine it being delivered with a comical, deadpan expression by the reformed, homophobic, and outed queer rapper Tyler, the Creator. But coming from the mouth of rape joke enthusiast Slim Shady, it’s just too much.

7. “But I can show you how it’s done until you get the hang of it / Elephantiasis of nuts, element.” (“Renaissance”)

Got it? His balls are so big they hang really low!

6. “When your arms, legs, feet and hands are numb / You’ve fallen down and can’t get up / This is a brand new dance, this is my Chris anthem, I / give Chris Reeves his chrysanthemums.” (“Brand New Dance”)

Eminem has a long and troubled history of feuding with Christopher Reeve. The actor, who is famous for his role Superman in feature films, he later became an advocate for paralysis research after suffering a devastating spinal cord injury in a fall from a horse that left him paralyzed from the neck down. Eminem has mentioned him more than three dozen times in his music, and on The death of Slim Shadyhe admits he’s had this song in his head for years. In perhaps the most shocking revelation of a career shaped by them, he apparently thought it would have been in poor taste to release this wheelchair dance number – complete with a neighing horse for good measure – so soon after Reeve’s death. Thankfully he’s come to his senses and has now released it, along with the accusation that Reeve deliberately died to prevent him from releasing the song. A class act indeed.

5. “The next idiot that asks me out is gonna get his ass kicked even harder than Diddy (redacted) / But seriously / She probably ran out the room with his damn dildo / He tried to beat her with a field goal and she told her to relax / Now stick it back up my ass and get the steel toe cap.” (“Antichrist”)

Most of Eminem’s usual shock symbols are so dated (Reeve, Kim Jong Il, Kurt Cobain) that the “Gen Z” nemeses he whines about “cancelling” him probably don’t recognize them all. That’s why this thinly veiled jab at Diddy’s ex Cassie—who accused Diddy of rape, assault, and various forms of abuse and was seen in a recently surfaced video being brutally attacked by the mogul—is so cowardly. He’s quick to jump on the bandwagon of Twitter comedians cracking jokes about Diddy’s alleged encounters with men, but clearly wants nothing to do with Cassie’s legal team, censoring her name from the song. Say it from the top, dude.

4. “I sit back in the coupe and listen to R. Kelly’s favorite band, the Black Guy Pees.” (“Houdini”)

Eminem might be the last person who still finds R. Kelly’s sex crimes funny. Most of us were sobered when it was revealed that the girl he peed on in his infamous videotape was an actual child, or when he was convicted of trafficking women for prostitution, or when he “married” 15-year-old Aaliyah. Somewhere, will.i.am is wondering how he got involved.

3. “By the way, I think I just gave Skylar Grey hepatitis A.” (“Devilish”)

Pretty cool way to mention your friend and frequent song collaborator and imply that you gave him a virus that is transmitted primarily through poop in the mouth. Or maybe it’s a reference to the 15-year-old actress with a similar name who appears on the TV show that bears the song’s title?

2. “I’m like an ADMINISTRATOR / Got so many SA, SA / Wait, he didn’t just write the word ‘rapper’ and leave out a P, did he?” (“Fuel”)

The rape “jokes” in Eminem’s older songs were boring from the moment they were released, but with this nursery rhyme rambling he somehow managed to reach a new low. You wonder if no one ever told him that if you have to explain why the joke is funny, then it actually isn’t funny.

1. “It started out so easy / But now I feel like I’m being targeted / It’s unbelievable how my winnings have skyrocketed. Look at what I’ve pocketed.” (“Houdini”)

It’s the least explicit line on this list, but the most embarrassing. While Marshall complains that he feels “attacked,” he also acknowledges how profitable it is to say disgusting things that shock and offend people. He’s always been so cynical, but playing the victim while trashing practically every marginalized group he can think of is Eminem at his most pathetic.