My overspending friend needs money but doesn’t make good decisions

Dear Annie: I’m in a tough spot. A close friend of mine, who I’ve been encouraging for years to save for a rainy day, is now facing a real crisis. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer and is undergoing treatment. Knowing her financial situation – she lives paycheck to paycheck, even though she and her husband have high-paying jobs – I felt compelled to help her with GoFundMe.

I’ve been managing updates on her travels, but the truth is she’s always been impulsive with money, spending big bonus checks on gambling, cruises, cars, fancy restaurants, and vacations instead of building a safety net for herself. Now, with this diagnosis, her past spending and sharing everything on social media is taking its toll.

Many friends and family members, seeing her lavish lifestyle in the past, are hesitant to donate money. It is heartbreaking to see her struggle, but on top of her illness, she continues to indulge in these expensive habits despite having to save every penny. I have tried to talk to her, but she is in a fragile state both physically and emotionally.

I’m torn. On one hand, I want to support her during this difficult time, but on the other hand, I can’t condone her continued spending. I plan to distance myself from GoFundMe as it feels dishonest to beg for donations for someone who isn’t putting their own financial recovery first. What do you think? How do I balance my friendship with my moral compass in this situation? – Tough Spot

Dear Tough Spot: Your instincts are right. If you feel like the donations on the GoFundMe page aren’t going where they should, it’s a good idea to keep your distance. At the same time, don’t distance yourself emotionally from your friend. She’s spending money to escape the anxiety and difficult feelings she’s going through during her breast cancer treatment. Give her your time and your words. Now more than ever, she needs a friend, not someone in a judge’s robe.

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